Question: I have been divorced since May of 1984 after 24 years and 11 months of marriage. For years my husband went out all night, verbally and sometimes physically abused me and the children, changed jobs 15 or 20 times and had several romances. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. We divorced and sold the family home and I moved with two of our three teen-age children. He comes over almost daily to watch TV, drink beer and leave trash in the kitchen. He says he comes to see our 15-year-old son, but he is supposed to see him only once a month on weekends. I have told him he is not welcome, but he comes anyway, telling me or the children what to do. It won't work to get a restraining order because he has no regard for legalities and has ways of bending all rules.
Answer: It doesn't sound as though you're divorced at all. You absolutely do not have to put up with this invasion of your privacy. If you get a restraining order against your former husband, all you have to do is call the police the first time he appears uninvited at your home and he will be arrested. Whether or not he has regard for the law is unimportant. He will be arrested and there will be no bending the rules unless you let him off the hook. It's your decision--you can live with or without him.