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Living With Divorce

She's Sole Support of Their Marriage

February 07, 1985|VIRGINIA DOODY KLEIN

Question: Ralph is sweet and sexy. He and I are both professionals, both previously married and without children. When we married I thought I had finally found someone really special who shared my goals and enjoyed the same thing I did. He's still wonderful in all ways but one. Ralph can't or won't keep a job. It's really beginning to create a strain in our marriage. How can I get him back to work and sharing the financial responsibilities?

Answer: How long has Ralph been out of work and how hard is he trying to find a job? It's time for you to be honest with him about what you are feeling. Perhaps there have not been openings in the particular job he wants or once held and he's become discouraged. Together set at date for him to have a job. It is important for him as well as for your marriage that he find a job, any job, while he continues to look in his field.

Q. I live at home and am dating Chuck, who is 29 and separated from his wife. I am 19. My parents are really on my case about dating a married man. They don't dislike Chuck; in fact they've told me that when he's finally divorced they have no objection to my seeing him. But in the meantime he is not welcome in their home and if I want to continue to live there I won't see him until after his divorce is final. How can I get through to then that Chuck is serious about me and that he really is already divorced except for the paper?

A. You want to persuade your parents that Chuck is serious about you, but on the other hand you can't trust him to still be there for you when his divorce is final if you respect your parents' wishes. You need to do some serious thinking of your own about this relationship. It will take at least a year before Chuck is ready for another lasting relationship. Listen to your parents. As long as you live at home, it's by their rules.

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