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A Few of the Symptoms of Conservative Fever

May 11, 1985

It has been reported that Americans are turning conservative in droves these days. You may be wondering if you will know for sure when the fever catches up with you. Here are a few of the symptoms:

--If you can work every other day for the Campaign to Ban Abortions and then on alternate days put your best efforts into the Committee to Suppress Birth Control Information and Devices, you're on the way to being a conservative.

--If you fight against the establishment of child day-care centers and simultaneously claim that welfare mothers stay home with their children because they're too lazy to work, you're showing definite progress toward being a conservative.

--If you argue that a Russian missile buildup gives us no choice but to double our missile inventory and argue with the next breath that our own missile buildup will bring the Russians whimpering to the bargaining table, your conservative credentials are almost beyond reproach.

--If you fight to keep unneeded military bases and nerve-gas labs and obsolete munitions factories open because "we need the jobs" and at the same time fight against government job-training programs because they are "make-work projects," then you are probably a conservative already.

--If you yearn to see protesters and property thieves sent away for long prison terms but feel that Republican politicians indicted for any crime are just the victims of harassment by a hostile liberal press, you're more conservative than most.

Now don't worry if you fail to find your particular symptoms in the list, you may have already noticed the common factor in all of them: hypocrisy!



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