David Casstevens of the Dallas Morning News tells one about Frank Szymanski, a Notre Dame center in the 1940s, who had been called as a witness in a civil suit at South Bend.
"Are you on the Notre Dame football team this year," the judge asked.
"Yes, Your Honor."
"Center, Your Honor."
"How good a center?"
Szymanski squirmed in his seat, but said firmly: "Sir, I'm the best center Notre Dame has ever had."
Coach Frank Leahy, who was in the courtroom, was surprised. Szymanski always had been modest and unassuming. So when the proceedings were over, he took Szymanski aside and asked why he had made such a statement. Szymanski blushed.
"I hated to do it, Coach," he said. "But, after all, I was under oath."
Wait a Minute: Baltimore Manager Earl Weaver, at a loss to explain the rash of long balls in Tiger Stadium, said: "I'm not a meteorologist or a gynecologist or anything like that."
Wonder if there was a pregnant pause?
Trivia Time: What do Gary Hogeboom of the Dallas Cowboys, Dan Roundfield of the Washington Bullets and Dick Enberg of NBC have in common? (Answer below.)
With Ram receiver Bobby Duckworth scheduled for more duty against the Seattle Seahawks, it is recalled that he was something of sensation in his last Monday night appearance.
Playing for the San Diego Chargers against the Chicago Bears last December, he was headed for the end zone on what should have been a 54-yard touchdown play from Ed Luther when he prepared to spike the ball. While shifting the ball, it came loose on the field of play and the Bears recovered.
All was forgiven later when he scored on an 88-yard play from Luther and the Chargers won, 20-7.
Duckworth wound up with three catches for 185 yards, an average of 62 yards per catch.
Mack Brown, coach of the winless Tulane Green Wave, was getting suggestions from the audience when he appeared before the New Orleans Quarterback Club this week.
Was he upset by the suggestions? Not at all.
"Obviously, when you're 0-2, you get a lot of offers of help from your fans," he said. "To show you that I appreciate that, any of you who are struggling in your businesses, I'll be glad to call and help you."
Add Brown: Somebody asked him if he was afraid of overworking freshman specialist Wayne Clements, who does both the placekicking and punting for Tulane.
"We feel that Wayne Clements can handle both of them," Brown said. "The reason we feel that way is that he's the only one we have who can punt."
Texas A&M Coach Jackie Sherrill wasn't amused when ABC commentator Frank Broyles, the athletic director at Arkansas, made a reference to his salary on the air.
"I ought to write Frank Broyles a note," Sherrill told The Sporting News. "I remember when I was working as a graduate assistant at Arkansas, making $100 a month, and he was out there making $10,000 a show from television. No one griped about that."
Trivia Answer: All three went to Central Michigan.
San Francisco pitcher Dave LaPoint, on a sparse turnout at Candlestick Park: "It was the first game in major league history where everyone in the stands got a foul ball."