While Oklahoma's missing football team (0-0) was the subject of Leonard Nimoy's "In Search of . . ." television show--he theorized that the Sooners were kidnaped by extraterrestrials--Hawaii (0-3) was very much in evidence.
The Rainbows lost, 30-33, to Cal State Spruce Goose (1-2) to take the Bottom Ten lead. Before the season began, you may recall, Hawaii hired a professional fire-walker who led the players on a stroll over some hot coals as a motivational exercise. They've been limping ever since.
However, Hawaii, which even managed to give up a touchdown this season when it had 12 men on the field, will have no men on the field Saturday. The Rainbows are taking the week off to assist in the search for Oklahoma.
Elsewhere, Cal State Northridge Galleria (1-1), like CS Goose, had been shopping for a win all season and finally succeeded. Alas, for Cal State Disneyland (0-3), victory still lies somewhere in Tomorrowland.
Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Hawaii (0-3) 30-33, CS Goose Idle 2. Missouri (0-2) 17-21, Texas Indiana 3. UTEP (0-4) 20-22, N.Mxico St Utah 4. Houston (0-2) 12-29, Wash. Louisville 5. Wash.(1-2) D. Houston, 29-12 UCLA 6. Tulane (0-3) 11-16, Kentucky Mississippi 7. CS Disney (0-3) 8-31, Wyoming Idle 8. Pitt (1-2) 22-29, BC W. Virginia 9. Oklahoma (0-0) All-Time Idle Minnehaha (?) 10. Kansas St. (0-3) 22-24, TCU N. Texas State
11. Rice (0-2); 12. Columbia (0-1); 13. San Jose State (1-3); 14. Cal (1-3); 15. Washington State (1-3); 16. Illinois (1-2); 17. Dartmouth (0-1); 18. Pentagon (Army, Navy, Air Force, National Guard, VMI) (5-5); 19. Cal State (Spruce Goose) (1-2); 20. Notre Dame (1-1).
Others not receiving votes: Cal State Northridge Galleria (1-1).
Schools never to be mentioned again in the presence of a Bottom Ten selector: Indiana (2-0).
ROUT OF THE WEEK: Oklahoma State (2-0) vs. Miami (Ohio) (1-1) (you'll love it!).
CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: Houston (0-2) vs. Louisville (1-2) (you'll love it!).
SPECIAL CITATION: Columbia Coach Jim Garrett apologized for asserting that punter Peter Murphy would not be able to hold a job after graduation if the level of his work matched the level of his punting in the team's 17-49 loss to Harvard. A Columbia graduate unable to hold a job? Get ahold of yourself, coach!
WATERLOO TWO: A review of films confirmed that Navy back Napoleon McCallum threw a punch at a Delaware player during the Pentagon's 13-16 loss. It is believed to be the first time a Midshipman has ever swung at a Blue Hen.
With the "NFL Today" and "NFL '85" network shows breaking in Sunday with reports on the big fights at Baltimore and Las Vegas, football fans could have been excused for forgetting which team Ed Whitson kicks for and whether Larry Holmes plays offense or defense.
No mistaking hopeless Tampa Bay (0-3), though. Those fumbles, those interceptions. Could it be 1976 (0-14) all over again? Inquiring readers want to know.
The devalued Bucs ruined Old Orleans' chances for a winless season by falling to the Aints, 13-20. A local voodoo priestess named Ellen Hendrick took credit for the Aints' win, claiming her python, Macumba, removed a hex that has hung over Old Orleans during its 18 non-winning seasons.
The Aints play San Francisco next. Unless Macumba slithers out there himself and tackles 49er QB Joe Montana around the neck, it should be the start of a new hex.
Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. TmpaBy (0-3) 13-20, OldOrlns Detroit 2. Buffalo (0-3) 14-17, N.Engld Minn. 3. Atlanta (0-3) 28-44, Denver Rams 4. Wash. (1-2) 6-19, Phldlpha Chicago 5. Detroit (2-1) 6-14, Indnplis* Tmpa By
6. Cincinnati (0-3); 7. Old Orleans (1-2); 8. Cleveland (1-2); 9. Indianapolis (1-2); 10. Oxnard Raiders (1-2)**.
* Every Dolt has its day.
** The easy thing would be to give up on the Raiders, so let's do it.
CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: Tampa Bay (0-3) vs. Detroit (2-1) (you'll love it!).
WOULD GASTINEAU DO THIS?: Raider end Howie Long established himself as the best in the league when it comes to sacking middle-aged, assistant coaches. Long chased and threatened to assault the 49ers' Bobb McKittrick, 49, after Sunday's game because he disapproved of the blocking techniques taught by McKittrick. Watch out next, New England assistants!