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Mother as an Individual

September 29, 1985

In his column of Sept. 15, "She's a Mother Just Like Any Other," Leo Buscaglia has really missed in his interpretation of the behaviors of mothers "seeing their children as extensions of themselves."

In my opinion, as a mother of four adults and one teen-ager, I feel some women of my generation behave in such a manner, not only as a way of showing caring, but, perhaps because they themselves have not grown, changed and become individual human beings comfortable with those changes.

We mothers in the over-50 age group for many years had our sense of self-worth and role in life, dependent first on our parents, then our husbands. And, if we have not broken the cycle or had it broken for us by death and/or divorce, we may continue seeking our sense of self in the accomplishments of our grown children.

Accepting one's children as individuals with a right to their own choices and value systems comes about when a mother accepts her own individuality and the changes in the circumstances of her life rather than hanging on to outdated roles. The behaviors of mothers, therefore, have become more individual, not "a mother just like any other."

SUSAN HECHT

Irvine

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