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SUNDAY READING

A Champagne Primer : When to Turn On the Bubble Machine : Why Not?

December 29, 1985

"Three be the things I'll never attain . . .

Envy, content and sufficient champagne." *

--Dorothy Parker

For the extra-shy champagne lover, we have compiled a partial list of special champagne occasions:

Christmas Eve and the day after.

In a bathtub filled with bubbles--preferably champagne bubbles.

On your son's or daughter's birth.

On their leaving home, graduating, getting engaged, marrying or having children.

On giving up celibacy.

On falling in love and having it reciprocated.

As a consolation for unrequited love.

At the engagement party, wedding shower, or bachelor's dinner.

At the wedding breakfast.

At the wedding reception and dinner.

During your honeymoon, day and night.

On your first (second, third . . .) anniversary.

When your ship comes in.

When your ship leaves port.

On the signing of divorce papers--drunk separately or together, depending on the circumstances.

On significant business occasions: mergers, contracts, new companies, product launchings.

On retiring.

On making your first (second, third . . .) million.

After a major purchase--especially of cases of champagne.

On winning a sports event, from arm-wrestling to an Olympic gold medal.

On losing graciously--remember to toast the winner.

On hitting the jackpot.

On the anniversaries of special friendships.

On any windfall.

Before and after a glass of champagne.

"I drink it when I'm happy and when I'm sad. Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone. When I have company I consider it obligatory. I trifle with it if I'm not hungry and drink it when I am. Otherwise I never touch it--unless I'm thirsty."

--Madame Lilly Bollinger

From "Champagne!" 1984 by Isaac Cronin and Rafael Pallais, reprinted by permission of Pocket Books, Simon & Schuster Inc.

* From "Enough Rope," 1926, 1954 by Dorothy Parker, with permission of Viking Penguin.

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