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Life Is More Wonderful 'Because I'm Changing'

January 25, 1986

Why is it, as I grow older and older, that life seems to get more wonderful and more wondrous. When I look around me, the reverse seems true. This is happening to me, I think, because I've ceased resisting change . This seems to be my key to not shutting myself out/off from the wonders of this planet. Change doesn't come easily to me--I've had to really, really, almost tear myself apart internally to set this inner change going. It isn't easy at all.

All my preconceived attitudes from early childhood are having to go. We were taught to go to Sunday school and church, stay married--not divorce; to honor father and mother--just to mention a very few observances. What a change in a half century!

Strangely enough, I agree with this freedom from repressive "thou musts." My whole life style is changing. I feel freer, more fun-loving, more interested in other people--not just myself and my little "circle." I find it a blessing to lead my own life as I love to lead it, yet stay in the framework of society. I feel I'm in the crowd, but not of it.

Now I seem to listen more to others' ideas, especially those of my children and grandchildren. They seem to move in a different world, speaking a language somewhat strange to me. Oh, have I had to "draw in my ears," when I'm sassed! The old "you should do this"--"you ought to do this"--seems not to work. A different approach is needed, I find--at least I get better results when I say "let me hear what you think"--rather than "do as I say, I'm in authority."

This is truly a change for me--not to feel I'm always right (which I'm not). It is a relief, too, to be able to live more and more harmoniously with those I contact, because I have changed my viewpoint. This is my secret way--to change myself--my views, my likes, dislikes. No, I'm not a mat--accepting others' ideas--I hold my own counsel quietly, and say, "Maybe there's something to what 'they' said."

Right now, I'm changing my mind about keeping beloved possessions--wonderful family heirlooms. They mean less to me--I'm disposing of most of them to family and others--not selling. Why do I need the money--more money? I'm comfortable. I let my beautiful "things" go with no twinge or regret. I never thought I'd do this. Life has a funny way of casting off ballast. I like the feeling that casting off material things brings! And, even more important is getting rid of lots of "hogwash" ideas I've had. I'm amazed at my ability to do this. Maybe, the years are bringing this increased sense of independence and self-reliance I love, and haven't always had. My individual world is changing for the better. Why? Because I'm changing.


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