Is it merely a coincidence that after six years of a conservative Republican Administration, ironing has reasserted itself onto the social fabric of our lives?
The signals are loud and clear. These days, fashionable clothing comes in only one flavor: natural. Polyester, that man-made, non-wrinkle, miracle fiber, has been terminated from the scene, pushed out by cotton and linen, fabrics that have the ability to suck wrinkles from the air.
But even more ominous, tucked casually into the spring issue of Working Woman magazine, right next to articles on making it to the top and the executive personality, sits an in-depth treatise on ironing.
The article, "Warm Weather's Here, Get Out the Iron," counsels readers: "Life in the executive fast lane calls for natural fabrics, constructed garments and (sigh!) ironing," and promises that ironing "smooths the way for power dressing."
Readers are duly instructed on the fine points of ironing, including techniques for using the sleeve sausage (looks like an upholstered loaf of French bread) to press sleeves, pressing mitts to smooth out shoulder pads and strips of brown paper to eradicate creases from seams.
Now I'm not saying it's a plot hatched by the President, but there have always been strong connections between the status of ironing and the political climate generated by the occupant of the White House.
During the Republican Eisenhower years, ironing played a major role in women's lives and gave them something to do after being forced out of the exciting work in foundries during World War II.
Women not only devoted an entire day each week to ironing, they engaged in pre-ironing activities as well. First, clothes were sprinkled with water, rolled in towels and stashed in the refrigerator overnight. (For some reason chilled clothes take a better press although the scientific reasoning behind this has never been discovered.) Some women even dipped their husband's shirts in starch. Many ironed sheets, tablecloths, and their husbands' boxer shorts.
As the Democrats waxed powerful, ironing waned. Women still ironed, but without the fervor of the previous era. After all, Betty Friedan had written "The Feminine Mystique" and suggested that women would not find fulfillment ironing the drapes.
Then came Vietnam and ironing took a back seat to protest. No one ever said, "Oh, I've got to iron--I have nothing to wear to the peace march."
By the time the Republicans returned to office, the Hippie Factor was in full bloom and countered any Nixonian tendency toward ironing. If you wore pressed clothing during those years, you were branded a member of the Establishment, indicating, among other things, that you supported imperialism in Third World countries.
The Rush to Wrinkles
Watergate merely accelerated the rush to wrinkles, and by the time Carter arrived in Washington 97% of all irons in America had been put in mothballs.
In fact, during those years, ironing was not only out of favor, it was considered to be a symptom of moral depravity. The mood was--why would a person iron when they could be working for humanity in South America? Carter's own mother had eschewed the ironing board in favor of the Peace Corps.
But now, only six years later, how things have changed. Young women are flocking to buy irons and sleeve sausages and spray starch without even flinching.
But women--before you embrace natural fibers and fill your closets with cotton dresses and linen suits--ponder this corollary: Natural (fabrics) begats unnatural (ironing).
Ask yourself: Do you really want to become a pawn in the hands of the Republicans, who, when they couldn't keep you pregnant and barefoot, decided to go for the next best thing--having you engage in the ludicrous practice of pushing a hot piece of metal over every square inch of your clothing?
And remember, ironing takes time, and that's time away from accomplishing important things such as that career seminar, writing a novel or dating.
Even worse, ironing can lead to personality disorders. For example, the avoidance of ironing has caused some of the worst procrastination known to humankind. During the Eisenhower era some victims left their children's clothes in the ironing baskets until the children outgrew them. Think of the guilt!
For others, ironing is an addictive drug. Victims become obsessed with total wrinkle eradication. Once they begin, wrinkles seem to emerge from everywhere. In the advanced stages, sufferers are running home at lunch to touch up the creases in their skirts.
Even if you have a stable personality, ironing is hard physical labor. Our mothers and grandmothers had entire days in which to iron. Are you up to the strain of being an Assertive Career Woman all day only to come home to press wrinkles out of your clothing at night? Will you have the strength to fill out your shoulder pads the next day?
Smelling Like Salami
Do you want your refrigerator filled with rolled-up clothing, soon to smell like salami and cucumbers?