Scott Ostler must have really racked his thesaurus to tell us that Steve Carlton is a "jerk" because the pitcher won't chat with reporters after games. Would Ostler feel better if Steve hosted a sushi bar happy hour at his locker every night so that Ostler and his buddies wouldn't have to beg for crumbs and then whine in print about sullen, monosyllabic jocks?
Better yet, let me sponsor the first annual Scott Ostler Colorful Quote Telethon. Athletes could call in with witty little anecdotes for Ostler's column, and the snappier gems would be cut and polished for Morning Briefing.
It would make it so much easier to forget the more annoying and trivial aspects of baseball, like the fact that history will judge Carlton as one of the greatest left-handers of all time, and not as the man who irked sportswriters because he was no Henny Youngman.