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DMV Driver's Pamphlet Hopelessly Out of Date

August 30, 1986

It has occurred to me that the pamphlet handed out free of charge by the Department of Motor Vehicles is hopelessly out of date and does not reflect conditions existing on the streets and freeways of Southern California. I propose the following amendments so as to let newcomers to our state, whether homesteaders or visitors, to be advised on the way we really drive out here.

Rule 1: Never, never drive 55 m.p.h. If you do, you really are from out of town.

Rule 2: Use your turn signals only when you feel like it. Once or twice a month is sufficient. Never use them to turn into a driveway; let the guy behind you figure it out.

Rule 3: Read the posted speed limit on surface streets and exceed it by at least 15 m.p.h. If you don't you will have some nerd on your tail cursing your mother. School zones are not exempt.

Rule 4: Never allow a safe distance behind the car you are following on the freeway. If you do you will wear yourself to a frazzle compensating for all the nerds leaping into "open" space.

Rule 5: Never give anybody a break or yield the right of way. Drive like you own the road and are immune to traffic citations.

Rule 6: Always drive like you are in a hurry, never to enjoy it, like on a Sunday.

Welcome to Southern California!



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