Beefy ex-jocks. Smart-aleck analysts. An avalanche of commercials.
That's what you'll be subjected to this week and next as America celebrates its annual sporting orgy known as the Super Bowl. But, before you clear a path to the refrigerator and send the kids to a double feature, it's time to bone up on some little-known facts and assorted trivia to keep up with all the madness. This snap quiz may be of some help.
Pencils ready? No cheating!
1. "Mean Joe" played for: a) keeps; b) Folsom Prison; c) the Pittsburgh Steelers.
2. John Madden: a) is murder on tavern walls; b) quarterbacks the 49ers; c) likes to fly.
3. A nose tackle: a) hurts the nose and is illegal; b) plays defense; c) is small and fast. 4. "Snake," "The Mad Stork" and "Broadway Joe": a) are convicted Mafioso; b) are upcoming Sly Stallone films; c) all wear Super Bowl rings.
5. Al Davis and Pete Rozelle: a) are close friends; b) should not be invited to the same party; c) graduated from Texas A&M.
6. In Super Bowl XVII, Washington's offensive line was nicknamed: a) the Etruscans; b) the Hogs; c) Larry, Curly & Moe.
7. An important part of the postgame victory celebration is: a) a hot shower; b) TV commercials; c) a phone call from President Reagan.
8. "The Refrigerator": a) is where the beer is kept; b) has perfect teeth; c) was a star of Super Bowl XX.
9. The Los Angeles Raiders: a) need a quarterback, dammit; b) won Super Bowl XV; c) are moving back to Oakland.
10. XXI is: a) 21; b) 11; c) a new long-range bomber.
11. "Gimme a light" means: a) you're out of matches; b) your batteries have worn down; c) you need a beer.
12. A wide receiver is: a) a 28-inch TV set; b) a speedy pass-catcher; c) an overweight pass-catcher.
13. The last time the L.A. Rams were in a Super Bowl was: a) during the Spanish Inquisition; b) when Lincoln was President; c) 1980.
14. Richard Dent was Super Bowl MVP for what team: a) Bengals; b) Bruins; c) Bears.
15. Which of these film/TV celebrities played in a Super Bowl game: a) Merlin Olsen; b) Alex Karras; c) Fred Dryer.
16. The Philadelphia Eagles: a) are watching this game on TV; b) won Super Bowl XV; c) lost Super Bowl XV.
17. In the winner's locker room, a TV announcer is a sure bet to be: a) trampled; b) doused; c) arrested.
18. How many Super Bowl games have been played in the Rose Bowl: a) 1; b) 3; c) all of them.
19. Garo Yepremian has a place in Super Bowl lore because of his: a) intercepted pass in Super Bowl VII; b) chili con carne recipe; c) 100-yard punt return in Super Bowl VII.
20. Which man has yet to appear in a beer commercial: a) Dick Butkus; b) Dick Williams; c) Dick Clark.
21. "Red dog" is a: a) linebacker blitz; b) frankfurter with ketchup; c) Cheyenne Indian chief.
22. Which NFL star never played in a Super Bowl game: a) "Too Tall"; b) "Too Much"; c) "The Juice."
23. Which of these NFL coaches once scored a touchdown in a Super Bowl game: a) Mike Ditka; b) Tom Landry; c) Don Shula).
24. The winning quarterback in Super Bowl XIX was: a) Joe Kansas; b) Joe Idaho; c) Joe Montana.
25. "The Killer Bees": a) is a horror movie; b) played for the Dolphins; c) played for the Packers.
1. c; 2. a; 3. b; 4. c; 5. b; 6. b; 7. c; 8. c; 9. b; 10. a;
11. c; 12. b; 13. c; 14. c; 15. c; 16. a or c; 17. b; 18. b; 19. a; 20. c;
21. a; 22. c; 23. a; 24. c; 25. b
SCORING 20-25 correct: You're an All-Pro. 15-20: Not bad. 10-15: We may put you on waivers. 0-10: You're enrolled in a remedial course at Media Hype U.