Dear Dr. Ruth:
Ever since David and I hit the sack for the first time, I've been worried. We can't get turned on until we scream and swear at each other, I hit him and he throws the furniture around. It's getting boring and depressing. Why can't we just be gentle and romantic? Can you help us?
Dear "Mad" Maddie,
You and David have a vewy sewious pwoblem. Violence is OK in "Wambo" but not in womance! You suffer fwom da sophamoric delusion dat violence is sexy. If dis cwaziness continues, you are also going to suffer a watings problem. Vhat you need is some new vriters! Vhile aggression is turning you on, the viewers are turning you off!
SUSAN M. HARDIE