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No One Made Innuendoes When Celtics Drafted Bias

June 13, 1987

The Laker fans and the press are disappointed that the Celtics are not fully healthy. Somehow, they feel that a Laker win would not be on equal basis. Well, hell, it that's what they want, I have some suggestions on how to make it equal:

First, let's break James Worthy's foot (either one). That should make him equal to Kevin McHale. Then, let's roll one of Kareem's ankles so that Parish doesn't feel lonely out there. Then, let's run Magic Johnson for three days without sleep so he can match up with Dennis Johnson's total fatigue. Then, we'll disqualify Cooper to match up with Wedman being out for the year. Rambis will have to have a leg broken to go one-on-one with Walton. And someone will have to be removed from the roster because Len Bias is playing on a new ball field.

Finally, let's have a Denver player hold a press conference and declare that "the only reason Magic got the MVP was because he is black. If he were white, he'd be just another good guy."

OK, Laker fans, how's that for equal?

ROBERT B. SWANSON II

Newport Beach

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