At last, we now know who benefits most from the National Football League's strike: Farmers. What a wonderful week this has been for the chicken farmers of America. Having seen the action on the picket lines, it is obvious that this is boom time in the sales of eggs.
They shouldn't worry about the cancer risk near Giants Stadium. They should worry about cholesterol.
By the way, it is rumored that the striking quarterbacks of the Green Bay Packers have been throwing eggs at non-union players ever since this strike began, and haven't hit one yet.
So, the father of Cal Ripken, Jr., called off his son's consecutive-inning streak at 8,243 and denied him a shot at one of the greatest accomplishments in the history of baseball, all because he "wanted to get everybody to stop writing about it." Gee, thanks, Pop.
Father Knows Best, Part II: Maybe Bob Boone should be glad his dad is a big league scout instead of a manager. If Ray Boone was running the Angels, maybe he would have told Bob not to go after Al Lopez's behind-the-plate appearance record because everybody would be writing about it.
For a guy who is rude, crude, cranky, condescending, reticent and has the personality of a bat, George Antonio Bell of the Toronto Blue Jays has the funniest initials in North America.
Here's a joke drunks tell: If the World Series ends up with two Canadian clubs, will the final score be 7-7?
True story: Athletes at the University of Washington have been ordered to sign drug-testing consent forms by Athletic Director Mike Lude. Untrue story: There has been no comment from assistant athletic director Mike Coke.
I shouldn't get carried away after only one show, but "The Slap Maxwell Story" is the greatest thing to happen to TV since dinners.
Babe Ruth--big deal. Eric Davis next year is going to become baseball's first 60-60 man.
Duffy Daugherty is dead. Now there was a nice man. Heaven awaits him, and at this very moment, God is changing the scoreboard to read: Michigan State 11, Notre Dame 10.
When the Cy Young Award winners are going to be Dave Stewart and Rick Reuschel, you know it's been a crummy year.
The real irony of the baseball season is this: Tim Raines just offered $1.5 million to buy the Dodgers.
The Cubs should get approval from the Illinois Senate and House of Representatives to play good baseball at Wrigley Field.
This bulletin from the strike negotiations has come into our news room: Jack Donlan just told Gene Upshaw: "Oh, yeah?" And Upshaw replied: "Yeah!"
Congratulations to John and Tatum McEnroe on the arrival of new baby M.
Martina Navratilova, as of last week, had won two tennis tournaments all year, Wimbledon and the U.S. Open. She is gaining a reputation as a player who can't win the Little One.
I have been making this point for about 10 years now, but I might as well make it again: Why don't punts have to land inbounds? Football is a sport in which chains are used to measure distances by millimeters and inches. But when a punter kicks one out of bounds on the fly, some referee looks up at the birds, points his finger at a yard marker 15 yards away and guesses: "It went out right around there." Ridiculous.
OK, let's keep getting stuff off our chest. Why is a baseball pitcher permitted to bluff a pickoff throw to second base? Why should a runner have to dive head-first and tucker himself out and risk injury, just because the pitcher felt like faking a pickoff? Rick Sutcliffe does this so often, he wears out half the league. Make him throw it.
Ben Johnson did something I never thought anybody would be able to do: No, not beat Carl Lewis. He made Carl Lewis popular in the United States again. That's already the biggest upset of the 1988 Olympics.
North Korea just declared war on South Korea, because South Koreans are trying to force North Koreans to watch team handball.
There have been reports of race-fixing in harness races at Pomona and Los Alamitos. I am shocked. I figured those drivers were pulling back on those reins that way so their horses could get a better look at all those other horses going past them.