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The Bottom Ten

A Tying Time for Mildcats : The Colleges

December 02, 1987|Steve Harvey

The University of Arizona, which won only 4 of its 11 games, became the third Mildcat team in history to win the mythical Bottom Ten title, following in the proud tradition of equally mythical sister schools, Northwestern and Kansas State.

Arizona, the most famous tie-maker since Garo Yepremian, finished 4-4-3. However, the primitive Bottom Ten computers count ties as losses. The Mildcats just edged out Georgia, 8-3, which in the words of coach Vince Dooley, was "dominated . . . and totally outplayed" by No. 3 Georgia Tech Saturday.

Elsewhere, No. 9 Notre Dame had the last laugh on Miami (Fla.). The Irish, who had vowed to avenge a 7-58 beating by the Hurricanes two years ago, kept their word by losing by just 24 points this time.

The Rankings:

Team, Record Last Loss Next Week 1. Arz.(4-4-3) Tied ASU, 24-24 Tied Up 2. Ga. (8-3) Def. Ga. Th, 30-16 --- 3. Ga. Tech (2-9) 16-30, Georg. --- 4. Kansas (1-9-1) --- --- 5. Tex. (6-5) 14-28, Tex. A$M --- 6. Fla. (6-5) 14-28, Fla. State --- 7. L'il Miss (3-8) --- --- 8. Purdon't (3-7-1) --- --- 9. N.D. (8-3)* 0-24, Miami (Fla.) --- 10. Mia.(Fla.)(10-0)** Def. N.D., 24-0 S. Car.

11. NCAA (for excluding 9-1 Howard from I-AA playoff berth); 12. North Carolina State (4-7); 13. Ohio State (minus $471,000); 14.-15. (Tie) William & Mary (5-6) and Tim Brown & the Heisman Trophy; 16. Houston (3-7-1); 17.-20. Pentagon (Army, Navy, Air Force, Gen. George Washington State) (15-23-1).

* "We're two years away from having a real solid football team," Coach Lou Holtz said of the gutty little Irish.

**"We're supposed to have a lot of talent, but most of it is in the training room," Coach Jimmy Johnson of the gutty little Hurricanes.

ROUT OF THE WEEK: Harvard (14-0-3) over San Diego State (19-5) (NCAA soccer).

QUOTEBOOK: "Probably . . . his best coaching job." Excerpt from university evaluation report of Ohio State football Coach Earle Bruce for his performance during the 1986 season, seven months before he was fired.

HINT OF THE WEEK: Without ever saying anything to football Coach Robert R. Weiss, Worcester (Mass.) Polytechnic Institute advertised for a new football coach in the weekly NCAA News.

The Pros

Following the Lambs' 35-3 mauling of Tampa-at-Bay, guard Dennis Harrah voiced relief that, "we're out of the garbage dump."

Harrah meant that the Lambs, a powerful 4-7, were no longer in contention to represent the NFC in this year's Bottom Ten Stupor Bowl, which will be played on New York's famous Garbage Barge.

Surviving candidates include Tampa and Detroit as well as disappearing Atlantis, a 21-34 loser to the Baltimore Cardinals. This marks the fourth straight year that Atlantis has submerged at least six weeks without a victory.

AFC Stupor Bowl finals are scheduled at an Irwindale gravel pit to be named later. Bowl officials announced that free front-row seats will be given to the 10 people, or fewer, who can name three non-quarterbacks on Detroit's roster.

The Rankings:

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1.Tampa-at-Bay (4-7) 3-35, LA Lambs New Orleans 2. Atlantis (2-9) 21-34, Baltimore Dallas 3. Dallas (5-6) 38-44, Minnehaha Atlantis 4. Miami (5-6) 0-27, Buffalo N.J. Jets 5. Seattle (7-4) 14-37, Bo Pitts

6. Detroit Edsels (2-9); 7. N.J. Ants (3-8); 8. New England (record in overtime games: 0-10); 9. Cincinnati Bungles (3-8); 10. San Diego scoreboard operator who showed low-lights of career of Denvelway's John Elway on the message board and inspired Elway to help crush the Chargers).

CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: Kansas City (2-9) at Cincinnati (3-8).

WORST ALIBI OF THE CENTURY: Green Bay Coach Forrest Gregg, explaining why his team meekly lost to the Bears Sunday: "Our defense was criticized so severely (for alleged cheap shots) after that game last year in Chicago that I think it had an effect on them."

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