The Bowls It isn't easy to find a team that was drubbed in a regular-season game by 59 points. But Independence Bowl officials searched diligently and found one: five-time loser Tulane, author of a spectacular 14-73 setback to Florida State.
The mighty Green Ripple is matched up against otherwise unwanted Washington, previously left at the altar by the Rose and Aloha bowls. This is the long-awaited battle that will answer the question asked by fans everywhere: Who really has the 100th-best team in the nation?
Meanwhile, Alabama (7-4) had to close fast, losing its last two games, to qualify for the Hall of Tame Bowl, while Wyoming (9-2) and Iowa (9-3) meet in the Holiday Inn Bowl (unless some team loses its reservations).
And UCLA and Florida, with seven losses between them, stumble into the Aloha (Hawaiian for Also-Ran) Bowl.
The Forgettables: Dud, Losers, Records:
1. Independence Bowl (Tulane, 6-5, vs. Washington, 6-4-1).
2. Probation Bowl (SMU, 0-0, vs. Opponent to be charged).
3. Hall of Tame Bowl (Michigan, 7-4, vs. Alabama, 7-4).
4. Blue-Gray Game (Anyone who's in the neighborhood).
5. Holiday Inn Bowl (Wyoming, 9-2, vs. Iowa, 9-3).
6. Powder Puff Bowl (La Verne, 3-6, vs. Georgia, 8-3).
7. Boredom Bowl (Arizona State, 6-4-1, vs. Air Force, 9-3).
8. Woes Bowl (Kansas, 1-9-1, vs. Kansas State, 0-10-1).
9. Stun Bowl* (West Virginia, 6-5, vs. Oklahoma State, 9-2).
10. (Tie) Aloha Bowl (UCLA, 9-2, vs. Florida, 6-5)
10. Saints Bowl (Holy Cross, 11-0, vs. Holy Toledo, 3-7-1).
*Featuring teams stunned at being invited to any bowl.
NEWEST BROADCAST CLICHES: "Redshirt freshman" and "true freshman." Isn't a "true freshman" a guy who has pimples, buys books for the wrong class and says dumb things to girls?
THE NAME'S RIGHT: The position of Bottom Ten Midwest Bureau Chief has been offered to just-resigned Detroit basketball coach Don Sicko.
THE DIRECTOR'S GUILD WILL MEDIATE: Mesa (Colo.) College accused Southern Oregon of cutting footage of its offensive drives from videotapes sent to Mesa in an exchange between the schools prior to their NAIA football playoff. Southern Oregon coach Chuck Mills said the videotapes were incomplete because they were shot by students. Mesa won, 38-7.
The Pros How embarrassing that, during the week of the U.S.-Soviet summit, America's team should be in such a shambles.
The Dallas Bowboys have dropped 12 of their last 15 non- strikeball games and their president, Louisiana (he no longer calls himself Tex) Schramm, says "this is the lowest point of my career." Look for Schramm's career to hit a new low Sunday when the Bowboys clinch their second straight losing season by falling to Washington. But what do you expect from a team whose owner is named Bum Bright?
Typical of the pampered athletes of today, the No. 3 Philadelphia Beagles virtually refused to work any overtime against the New York Ants, losing a combined three yards on offense in the extra period in a 20-23 setback.
There was one exception. The leg of Beagle kicker John Teltschik was said to be resting comfortably after dispatching an NFL record 15 punts Sunday.
Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Dallas (5-7) 10-21, Atlantis Washington 2. K.C.Leafs(2-10) 27-30, Cincinnati Raiders 3. Philadelphia (5-7) 20-23, Ants (OT) Miami (Fla.) 4. Detroit (2-10) 16-37, L.A. Rams Tampa-at-Bay 5. Tampa-at-Bay(4-8) 34-44, N Orleans Detroit
6. Seattle (7-5); 7. San Diego (8-4, three losses in row); 8. Lean Bay (4-7-1); 9. Cincinnati (4-8); 10. Pocatello (Ida.) Cardinals (5-7).
CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: Detroit Edsels (2-10) at Tampa-at-Bay (4-8) (check local listings; if you're lucky, it won't be there).
QUOTEBOOK: AP's Ed Schuyler: "If things get much lower, the hit song in Dallas could be, 'Mama, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys.' "