I n the near corner, wearing the white trunks and the white hat, weighing 185 pounds, Marvelllllllous Marvell Wynne.
And . . .
In the far corner, wearing the black trunks and the black hat, weighing 210 pounds, Crrrrrrunching Chris Brown.
Forget that spectacle in Atlantic City. Forget all the beautiful people in their pinkie rings and fur coats. Forget Michael Spinks' cameo appearance.
And forget Mike Tyson's sledgehammer.
Unless Tyson is willing to take on either (a) the Washington Redskin offensive line or (b) the Amtrak San Diegan, there's not an opponent in sight who can last until the first commercial against the guy.
Let's get Don King working on a \o7 real\f7 fight.
No, not Tyson and Spinks again. Heavens, no.
Marvell Wynne vs. Chris Brown.
They wasted their first fight. They fought it in the relative solitude of the Padre clubhouse in Cincinnati on Monday night. Those who witnessed both Brown-Wynne and Tyson-Spinks swear that Brown-Wynne was better, albeit shorter.
The way I understand it, Wynne was a lot like Spinks in that he was done before he realized he was in a fight.
Wynne, it seems, was in Brown's face, jabbering away like a Muhammad Ali in his prime. Wynne's only problem was that he forgot about the Ali shuffle and got tagged flush on the nose before he could start floating like a butterfly or stinging like a bee.
Since this was not a scheduled undercard to the Padre-Red game, no one was alert enough to get a stopwatch on it. According to estimates, however, it lasted closer to 31 seconds than 1 minute and 31, unless Wynne's taunting was counted.
Unfortunately, it probably was stopped too soon.
You see, Wynne, unlike Spinks, was willing and eager to continue, but his struggles were lost in what witnesses described as a typical post-fight mob scene. Everyone was grappling and pushing and shoving, as they always do when baseball players square off, and Wynne couldn't get through to keep the bout alive.
Thus, Wynne, his nose bloodied and left eye puffy, had to be declared a loser by technical knockout.
Jack McKeon, who manages both fighters, indicated that there was little likelihood of a rematch.
"The case is closed," he said. "It's history."
History? Come on, Jack.
Marvell Wynne didn't hit the floor with blank eyes staring at the rafters. He didn't just lie there and wonder if anyone got the license number of whatever it was that hit him.
He wanted to go for it.
Four hours after the bout, after the Padres had delivered a 9-2 technical knockout of their own over the Reds, Wynne was still talking about a rematch when writers reached the clubhouse. This was after a pleasant game and a reasonable cooling-off period.
"We were just messing around," Wynne said, "and he caught me with my hands down and hit me in the face, a cheap shot. I decided it wasn't the time and place to get revenge. I'll let it be for right now."
He let it sink in, and then he let it be known it was not over . . . not in his mind.
"For right now," he added.
If the Padres want a \o7 real\f7 promotion, they could make some bucks on the Wynne-Brown rematch. They could put a ring out by second base and let these guys put on the gloves. They could even put Jack McKeon vs. Eric Show on the undercard.
This \o7 has\f7 been a battling, bickering trip for the local heroes. McKeon and Show were joined by pitching coach Pat Dobson in a three-way verbal scrap Friday night. The incident came to an abrupt conclusion when Show slammed the door to McKeon's office on his way out.
However, it may be more than coincidence that this has been the most successful trip of the year. A little bit of scrap and fight and controversy rarely seems to have an adverse affect in the world of sports.
The Sockers, for example, have used just such a formula to win six indoor championships in the past seven years. The best of Charlie Finley's Oakland A's were the same way. Admittedly, the New York Yankees have followed the same path to only mixed success, but it does not really inspire a team when the manager punches a marshmallow salesman.
And so, the Padres must consider the long-term implications of a Marvell Wynne-Chris Brown rematch. Maybe it would keep the juices stirred, and maybe even inspire a big gate for a Friday Night at the Fights in Mission Valley.
You know, it might be just the ticket this week.
Come see the doubleheader . . .
Brown vs. Wynne at 7.
Padres vs. St. Louis at 7:05.
That should be enough time, the way these things have been going lately.