Once I was queen of "A, My Name Is Alice." You know, the game where you swing your leg over the bouncing pink Spaulding ball every time you use a word that begins with the key letter.
A, my name is Alice and my husband's name is Alan
And we come from Anchorage
And on our ship we carry apples.
At no time did my leg hit the ball and never did I run out of proper proper nouns, even when I got to X my name is Xanthippe, Y my name is Yvonne de Carlo and Z my name is Zelda. But the game fell out of favor in the frivolous '60s when little kids started saying:
S, my name is Starchild and my lover's name
And we came from Santa Cruz
And on our ship we carry sinsemilla.
In the '70s, things settled down a little and kids began bouncing the ball once more as they incorporated the cataclysmic cultural changes that had come to our society:
J, my name is Jennifer and my second husband's name
And we come from the Jacuzzi
And on our ship we carry jogging shoes.
By the mid '80s the game had made a comeback as children became unabashedly ambitious and tried to get the most alliteration in each unit of the cultural catechism:
B, my name is Bree and my broker's name is Boesky
And we come from Bel - Air
And in our Beemer we carry buy-out bids.
In the late '80s, the game began to reflect a growing social conservatism, an obsession with celebrity and the failure of our schools to teach spelling:
S, my name is Cher and my significant other's name is
And we come from Spago (with Streisand and Don
And we're into safe sex, so on our ship we carry
Now once again the game is changing, but nobody knows which way it will go. We seem to have a choice. On one hand, we hear:
M, my name is Michael and my wife likes to meow
And we come from Massachusetts (originally Lesbos)
And on our ship we carry meaningful social programs
Waiting in the wings, though, is another jingler, one who reminds us of which side our gun is buttered on.
G, my name is George and my wife won't use Grecian
And we come from great wealth
And on our ship we say: Beware of geeks generating
Nobody knows which way the children want to play the game. When people walked around the Democratic Convention wearing buttons saying "Die Yuppie Scum," were they heralding a new age of social concern?
All we can do is follow the bouncing ball:
C, my name is Carly and my husband's name is Cory
And our children are Crystal, Colin and Cody and we
care about people
And on our ship we carry cash, checks and all major