Cast aside those maddening crossword puzzles. Sharpen those pencils. It's time to play society trivia, the end-of-the-season game that tests your social IQ.
Now, don't go kicking your social secretary in the shins if you miss a few. That probably means you were so busy making the scene you didn't have time to read this column.
If you get all of them right, you simply must get out more. You're much too busy being the voyeur.
Multiple choice (including one question you simply cannot miss):
1. Gildas, a society couturier from Newport Beach, was formerly employed as a: a) cancan dancer; b) maitre d'hotel ; c) pole vaulter; d) marine biologist.
2. When Lois Driggs Cannon married former astronaut Buzz Aldrin, there was one hitch in the ceremony: a) the soloist trilled "Fly Me to the Sun"; b) Lois was unable to get her wedding band over her bleeding, swollen knuckle; c) the violinists lost their bows; d) the flowers were the wrong color.
3. The King and Queen of Sweden were late for lunch at the Center Club with Renee and Henry Segerstrom because: a) they lost their crowns; b) they lost their way; c) they thought the invitation was for tea; d) they didn't want to leave Disneyland.
4. In January, what movie was first on the production slate of the newly formed partnership between video mogul Stuart Karl and James Irvine? a) a Tom Hayden workout video; b) a sequel to "Annie"; c) a film about John F. Kennedy; d) a documentary on the Oval Office.
5. What unlikely threesome said they would attend the ground breaking for the Nixon Library, then failed to show? a) Bob Hope, Betty White and Merv Griffin; b) Tom Brokaw, Rhonda Fleming and Milton Berle; c) Esther Williams, Woody Allen and Twiggy; d) the Pointer Sisters.
6. What magazine greatly disappointed Orange County by failing to put a local woman on its October cover? a) Time; b) National Geographic; c) Lears; d) Town & Country.
7. Who quipped: "There comes a time when a woman has to choose between her face and her fanny," meaning if she keeps her face thin, her derriere will follow? a) cosmetic surgeon Dr. Michael Elam; b) Orange County Supervisor Roger R. Stanton; c) boutique owner Amen Wardy; d) architect Stewart Woodard.
8. What's the name of the new Orange County Performing Arts Center support group that will pursue the enjoyment of fine food and wine? a) Joie de Vivre ; b) Grapes and Grub; c) Oo La La! ; d) Fork & Cork.
9. What special fare was prepared for President Reagan when he attended a fund-raising lunch for Sen. Pete Wilson at the Irvine Hilton & Towers? a) lame duck; b) quail; c) meat loaf Wellington; d) navy-bean soup.
10. What local high-profile type flew with his wife to Armand Hammer's 90th birthday aboard Hammer's own 727 jet? a) Thomas Fuentes, Republican Party chairman; b) the Rev. Robert H. Schuller; c) UC Irvine Chancellor Jack Peltason; d) philanthropist Charlie Hester.
11. What local couple dined with the President and First Lady at the $50,000-per-person luncheon at William Lyon's Coto de Caza mansion and , on another day, sat with the King and Queen of Sweden during lunch at the Center Club (no other couple can lay claim to sitting at both tables)? a) Janice and Roger Johnson; b) Gene and Joanne Mix; c) Jack and Dori deKruif; d) Mary and James Roosevelt?
12. Besides billionaire Donald Bren, his son, Steven, was OC's most eligible bachelor until he married former model Thais Baker in September. Where did they tie the knot? a) Reno; b) Paris; c) Garden Grove; d) Santa Barbara.
13. What socialite commissioned that her jacket be embroidered with brilliants to depict the Tiffany Diamond for the Tiffany Ball? a) Kit Toth; b) Gayle Anderson; c) Kathryn Thompson; d) Shirlee Guggenheim?
14. What item of jewelry for men did William R. Chaney, chairman of Tiffany & Co., say was the only appropriate thing to wear with white tie? a) mother-of-pearl studs; b) onyx studs; c) diamond studs; d) Chippendales studs.
15. What beloved entertainer celebrated his 80th birthday with a bash at the Balboa Bay Club? a) Buddy Ebsen; b) Buddy Ebsen; c) Buddy Ebsen; d) Buddy Ebsen.
16. What for-men-only event celebrated its 25th anniversary with a black-tie luncheon smack dab in the middle of horseback country? a) No Women Allowed; b) Power Trip; c) the Portola Ride; d) Males on the Trail.
Answers: 1) a., 2) b., 3) d., 4) c., 5) a., 6) d., 7) a., 8) a., 9) c., 10) b., 11) a., 12) d., 13) c., 14) a., 15) a,b,c,d.; 16) c.