The following is a speech drafted on George Bush's word-processor for delivery at Gettysburg, as imagined by Ross K. Baker, a political science professor at Rutgers University.
Four score and seven years ago, as you may remember, a team of our fathers got together and participated in a worthwhile exercise that was big on liberty and caring about others, helping the other guy.
For some time now--oh, Lord, it must go back at least two years--there's been this testing of that, this civil war thing that's been making us all frantic. Well, maybe civil war is too strong a word. The point is that there's been a lot of name-calling and some people just don't want to fit into the national mold. The thing is that this churning has produced some doubt--not a 50-50 chance but a longer-shot chance--that the very basis of this country may be taking some hits. We're talking about whether this fairest and most honorable country in the world is gonna be eroded out.
We've come here to sit down with various officials out of a worthwhile desire to honor those Americans who absorb a disproportionate amount of unfair pounding so that this nation doesn't just fall by the wayside. And I might say that this is totally compatible with stuff I've spelled out in the past.