Rick Scott and George Machado were doing their best Siskel and Ebert imitations Tuesday after reviewing the first week of game films.
Scott led Buena High to a 35-30 victory over Westlake under the lights at Thousand Oaks High. Machado's Hueneme team was defeated by Hawthorne, 30-7.
Both coaches gave a thumbs down for their teams' performances.
Scott's biggest complaint was the defense, which allowed 267 yards in total offense.
"If our defense doesn't get better, I'm going to put a bag on my head like an Ain'ts fan," Scott said. "Instead of a Bulldog, I'll be a bag dog."
Scott said he might have seven new starters on defense for today's game against Thousand Oaks.
Oxnard Coach Jack Davis believes Scott has his work cut out for him.
"We're going to see what healing powers he has this year," Davis said.
Machado knew his team was in trouble when quarterback Damon Hicks contracted the chicken pox and running back Melvin Nunnery bruised his right knee. The Cougars gained only 45 yards on offense.
"Turn on the laugh machine because we were so bad it was funny," Machado said. "We didn't have anyone to run our offense. It was like flying from Chicago to Los Angeles and having your pilot run down the aisle ask the stewardess, 'Where's the instruction manual?' "
But Machado said the worst part was his team's punting, although he did not fault punter Jim Petitt, who had one ball snapped over his head and two other attempts blocked.
"He's got a name like a dress size, but he's really a good player," Machado said. "He would have to be. Our team treated him like he was Billy Barty and snapped almost every ball over his head. We would really have problems if he couldn't jump well."
Hawthorne had 185 yards in penalties while Hueneme was penalized only once. Still, the Vikings were pummelled.
"If it wasn't for some pretty good defensive play, this would have been an NBA score," Machado cracked. "They would have scored in three figures, which would have been tough because the scoreboard only had room for two digits. Someone would have had to climb up with a felt pen and particle board."
No time to pass: Ventura High threw only two passes against Simi Valley, but Cougar Coach Harvey Kochel said his team tried to throw too often.
"We called more passing plays, but we couldn't get the ball off in time," said Coach Harvey Kochel, whose team won, 12-3. "We actually threw more than we wanted to.
"We were facing a lot of second-and-20 situations. Penalties really killed us."
Cougar quarterback Jeff Dietz threw two passes. He completed an 18-yard pass to Paul Hernandez and the other pass was intercepted.
The Cougars had the ball six times inside Simi Valley's 30-yard line, but scored only once on offense. Mike Flores scored the other touchdown on a 92-yard kickoff return.
Ventura also was penalized 10 times for 100 yards.
Mr. Versatile: As if being the team's top offensive and defensive player isn't enough, Johnel Turner is also Oxnard's primary kicker. Turner, who also was a kicker his sophomore season, converted three extra points in the opener.
Turner, however, will not be the only kicker on the team.
"I'm hesitant to make him a full-time kicker because sometimes he runs out of gas in the fourth quarter," Davis said. "You want a fresh leg with the game on the line and that's why we'll let other kids kick some."
Is there anything Turner can't do?
Said Davis: "I don't know if he has a Class three license to drive the team bus."
Trio of Tri-Valley wins: It's a rare occasion when three teams from the Tri-Valley League beat up three opponents from the Frontier League. But it happened Friday.
Moorpark surprised Calabasas, 17-8, for its first victory against a Frontier League team since 1983.
To no one's surprise, Carpinteria routed Nordhoff, 56-0, for the third consecutive year. In the past three openers, the Warriors have outscored the Rangers, 121-0.
And in the 79th renewal of the oldest rivalry in the county, Fillmore shocked Santa Paula, 14-8. Since their last victory against Santa Paula, the Flashes had lost 21-0 in 1985, 10-0 in 1986, 42-0 in 1987 and 28-6 in 1988.
The only Frontier teams win their openers were Santa Clara, which beat up Bell-Jeff, 35-7, and Santa Ynez, which edged Righetti, 7-6.
Back in baseball: Legendary coach Art Reichle, who headed the UCLA baseball program for 30 years, has recently been hired to be the pitching coach at Santa Paula High.
Reichle began his college coaching career in 1940 with the Bruins' freshman team. He took over the varsity program in 1941 and compiled a 813-584 record before retiring in 1975. He guided UCLA to its first Pacific-8 Conference championship in 1969. The team also competed in the California Intercollegiate Baseball Assn. and the Athletic Assn. of Western Universities.
Some of the major leaguers to play for Reichle include former New York Yankees first baseman Chris Chambliss, Chicago Cubs pitcher Bill Bonham and Houston Astros pitcher Jim York.
Reichle, 75, makes his home in Ventura and has been working as a car salesman.