Tomorrow's news today. Some newspapers give you everything .
Tabloid tales of the 1990s:
STEROID DANGERS MULTIPLY Football players, weightlifters attack village, burn barns, graze in grass, kiss cattle.
I AM COSELL'S ILLEGITIMATE SON Dierdorf's startling confession.
PETE ROSE GOES TO PRISON Uses account and description of broadcast without expressed approval of Major League Baseball.
BOSTON GARDEN CONDEMNED Architect estimates it will take well over $200 to rebuild.
ATHLETE'S FOOT CAN BE FATAL Tests reveal disease can be contracted and spread by stepping through tobacco puddles in baseball dugouts, even while wearing shoes.
SENATOR GARVEY ACCUSED Denies that star of "Look Who's Talking II" belongs to him and Kirstie Alley.
HOUSTON HUMILIATED AGAIN Loses to SMU in football, 101-7. For fifth straight year, Mustang coaches keep starters in game until final minute, without explanation.
WHITEY HERZOG JOINS PUNK BAND Dyes hair purple. "Don't know what came over me."
FOREMAN-JOHANSSON FIGHT SET Winner to get shot at Holmes-Schmeling winner.
BABY SEALS ATTACK POACHERS Bite and kick them to death; hundreds more seen headed toward New York garment district.
LITE BEER MORE FILLING Taste not all that great, either, years of tests finally confirm.
NADIA POSES FOR PLAYBOY Boyfriend hits roof.
CLIPPER COACH GUARANTEES THREE-PEAT Winning NBA titles "getting a little boring," Casey claims.
PETE ROSE REINSTATED Says he's sorry for betting on outcome of Hall of Fame vote.
NEW ROGER KAHN BOOK SHOCKER Best-seller "The Roger Verses" shocks literary world. Called first book ever written by Kahn about Kahn that did not pretend to be about somebody else.
BEN JOHNSON DISQUALIFIED AGAIN Miss Jamaica ruled ineligible as contestant in Miss Universe pageant after steroid test results show she used to be a he.
HOLTZ THREATENS TO QUIT Notre Dame coach vows to retire if one more player gets grass stain on pants.
I DEMAND REMATCH: DURAN Angry loser claims judges were biased in 1989 fight just because he kept getting punched in face.
YUGOSLAV ARMY ORDERS LAKER HOME Over objections from L.A. management, Yugoslavia military leaders force Vlade Divac to serve one-year hitch, refusing Lakers' suggestion to take Orlando Woolridge instead.
McENROE MOVES TO ENGLAND "Far more civilized here," tennis ace says.
SKIP CARAY KNOCKS FATHER "Can't sing, never could," son contends after Harry's rap album hits charts.
RICHARD PETTY DAYTONA WINNER Averages 54 m.p.h., runs two laps ahead of A.J. Foyt, Paul Newman in Florida Senior Tour event.
MIKE DITKA BLASTS PRESS Finds button missing from shirt, blames media.
ASTRODOME RIPS OUT ASTROTURF Plants AstroGrass instead. Dodger Stadium decision to install blue artificial turf, sky boxes, exploding scoreboard, drive-through Jack in the Box is put on hold.
LAIMBEER JAILED Detroit police suspect Piston center of assaulting self.
SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SUED Models charge that swimsuits caused serious skin rash.
NORTH CAROLINA STATE ADMITS SCHOLAR Basketball player reportedly can spell both "C-A-T" and "S-A-T" without tutoring.
WOMAN MAKES NHL DEBUT Gets two assists, does triple axel, beats up Vancouver defenseperson in 5-3 St. Louis win.
AK-47 ASSAULT RIFLE BANNED Hunters angry, say it's difficult to shoot helpless animals with conventional weapons.
CLIPPER TICKET PRICES SOAR Actor, team's top fan, upset over $4,000 courtside fee.
TARK CASE TAKES STRANGE TURN Nevada-Las Vegas coach surprise choice as new president of NCAA.
SAN DIEGO AWARDED SUPER BOWL Once again, neutral field assured.
DODGER-DENVER GAME POSTPONED Mile High Stadium baseball opener suspended after trainer is unable to stop Hershiser nosebleed.
BO MAY QUIT GOLF TOUR After eight-under-par 64 in first round of Danny Thomas Memphis St. Jude Classic, Jackson complains of slight muscle twinge on backswing, may sit out Friday's round.
EASY GOER SUICIDE VICTIM Depressed over second-place finishes.
PGA WEIGHS RULE CHANGES Senior Tour golfers demand shorter holes, larger cups.
NEW TED TURNER VENTURE UPSETS WHITE HOUSE '98 Goodwill Games set for Managua.
PRESIDENT SALUTES CHAMPS Jackson welcomes Clippers to Rose Garden.
SMALLEST BASEBALL CROWD EVER Mariner home game draws attendance of 17. Fans introduced instead of starting lineups to save time.
NO MORE HOCKEY FIGHTING Crackdown proposed after four killed in Philadelphia-Hartford brawl.
BALLPLAYER HOLDS OUT FOR $100 MILLION "Have to think of my family."
SUGAR RAY RE-RETIRES Punchy ex-middleweight has speech, vision, respiratory problems, says he should have stuck to 1990, '92, '93 and '97 retirements.
YOUNT NEARS ROSE RECORD Milwaukee DH approaches all-time hit mark; Pete Rose sells "Batboy and Robin" souvenir Louisville Sluggers on TV shopping network for $5,000 each.
STRAWBERRY OVERSLEEPS THROUGH DECADE Met outfielder can't account for whereabouts from 1990-95, insists he set alarm.
BOB KNIGHT GETS 10-15 YEARS Patient Puerto Rico authorities pleased after surprise extradition of U.S. coach.