"I don't like to admit it, but I do worry that I won't find a job. Maybe it's the macho image. On the surface, I tell myself, 'Hey, you're skilled. You're good. You can do what you can do, and you'll find work.' But I know I won't find work paying the money I'm getting right now. It's not embarrassing. But it does create tension on my side. My wife handles it very well, but I think, 'Here I am, supposed to be the supporter of the family, and make the most money, and now I'm going to be without work.' Within the last few months, I've been a little more short-tempered, a little more edgy.
"I get very angry when I think about having to go pound pavement at 43 years old. That really upsets me. I think, how could that happen to me? Maybe the blame lies in my own house. I could have stayed in school, gotten a better education, a better job. I went for the easy money. It was there. I went for it. I was 20 years old, and cars, houses, toys became available to me. I'm a toy freak. Big toys, little toys. Motor homes, boats, or remote-controlled cars. Playthings.