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Home Shoppers, Have You Heard This Before?

August 19, 1990|RALPH SHAFFER | Shaffer is a San Francisco free-lance writer. and

Twenty answers home buyers must learn to recognize:

--"Why, before you know it, all those messy overhead wires will disappear underground."

--"See, the overall plan calls for this particular street to end in a nice quiet cul-de-sac when it's all finished."

--"Sure you can work out your share of the new fence with him--he's a sweet guy."

--"The city maintains the grass and trees from the curb up to, oh, about here--no problem, really."

--"Cable's due next month."

--"All I know is there's this big property fight at the traffic light--the supermarket can't wait to get close to this neighborhood."

--"It's a cinch, they are permanently rerouting the buses two blocks away."

--"Don't sweat it--the owner's having all the old trash hauled away this weekend and come Monday, the place will sparkle, believe me."

--"Oh, the red curb there in front--that's a mistake the city will fix."

--"The street light's not broken, just turned off so as not to shine in the master bedroom."

--"Well, you share the water meter with four others, but splitting the bill every month is a breeze."

--"Oh, it's only a rumor that the SWAT team raided the Middle School down the block last month."

--"So, your dog runs away a lot--on this street everybody just loves pets."

--"That greenish coloring on the roof, that's just for old-style effect."

--"Reception's always real good, so you could move the two dish antennas off the patio without any trouble."

--"They're awfully good out here about renegotiating your property taxes--all you do is ask."

--"Those potholes will go--they resurface in this district every six months like clockwork."

--"Boats, campers, RVs--park them anywhere--driveway, front yard, on the street as long as you want."

--"And you know what's real nice--the trash people come right up to your back door and no noise."

--"Those look little but they're really dwarf fruit trees and they're supposed to turn brown right now."

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