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December 02, 1990|R.D.

"Why are you sitting on the roof of the garage?" the Formidable Companion asked.

"Trying to keep the alligators at an arm's length," we said.

She fixed us with a stare. Some explanation was clearly in order.

"Haven't you looked around, lately?" we said. "The world is going to h-e-double-hockey-sticks in a handbasket."

"Always has, always will be," she said.

She was going to have to do better than that. We told her about Mr. Turner, our next-door neighbor, sicking his pet on us that very morning. That was the last straw.

"But it's a cat," she said.

"Not just a cat," we said. "A 17-pound irate tabby."

"Come down now," she said.

We told her to send up our easy chair. We were going to be here for a while.

"Give us one good reason to come down," we said. "Just one." It was growing cold, but we still had a desire to be wooed in some way.

Because, she said, some part of us is still a child who would enjoy the Oakland Ballet performing "The Nutcracker" at Smothers Theatre at Pepperdine University in Malibu. Showtimes are 2 and 7 p.m. today, and admission is $22. For information call (213) 456-4522.

Because, she said, when the world seems that serious a couple of nyuk-nyuk-nyuks are in order, and the Three Stooges will be honored at a 60th anniversary celebration at the Improv, 8162 Melrose Ave., West Hollywood, at 7 p.m. Wednesday. Admission is free. For information call (213) 659-6400.

And because we wouldn't be up on the roof of the garage if we didn't care, and Caring for Babies with AIDS will hold its fourth annual fund-raising walk at Santa Monica Boulevard and Palm Drive in Beverly Hills, today at 8 a.m. A $15 donation is asked. For information call (213) 931-9828.

She had us. And so we came down for all those reasons, and the most important one. Her.

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