You've heard of squash, the only sport on the planet named after a family of vegetables--the sport they play on a racquetball-like court with a badminton-like racquet. You may even know that squash hails from the hallowed halls of Ivy League schools such as Harvard and Yale.

Beyond that, any way you slice it, getting a handle on squash is enough to drive you out of your gourd.

For starters, squash--like the vegetable variety--comes in more than one flavor: Naturally it's the faster-paced "hardball squash" that has shot its roots deep into Ivy League tradition. The far more popular "softball squash" is the kind that's just starting to blossom here. The softball itself is more like a small racquetball than a golf ball, which means the game can be played at a pace more suitable to laid-back Southern Californians.

Softball squash shares much with racquetball--playing environment, rules, skill requirements and scoring system are all about the same. The heart and soul of the sport, however, defy description. That's because squash players embrace a weird blend of unrelenting optimism, secret-society terminology, upper-crust gentility and Down Under humor.

Squash dudes and dudettes routinely describe a bad shot--one that is made after the ball has bounced twice--as "not up" instead of "down." The best shot in the game, one that is better even than a "Double Boast" or a "Philadelphia," is called a "Nick Boast" whatever \o7 that\f7 means. And, because genteel squash-heads take offense at the racquetball term "kill shot," they insist on describing an irretrievable shot as "hitting to length." Finally, instead of muttering "loser's serve" at the end of a game, they blithely exclaim "mugs out!" in the ear of a vanquished opponent.

"Mugs out" represents a whole host of Australian influences on the game. Australian transplant Grantley Pinnington of Huntington Beach says that squash is every bit as big as tennis in Australia. "Everyone plays," says Pinnington. "I learned how to play from an older brother at age 7 and I've been playing ever since."

As the No. 40 ranked player on the World Professional Squash Assn., Pinnington is, far and away, the best squash player in Orange County. He recently proved it by dominating the first-ever Orange County Squash Tournament, held at the Sports Club/Irvine in early April.