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La Canada Lacks Equal Justice

May 30, 1991

The local papers have indicated that there are a host of robberies, thefts and break-ins in La Canada Flintridge.

The closest judicial systems are either in Glendale or Pasadena, and this leaves the natives of La Canada out in the smog.

The former Buffums building would be an ideal place for a stately courthouse, and a complete judicial program could be installed. There is adequate parking fore and aft, for friend and foe.

This would be a complete legal procedure from start to finish. The local beanery could furnish the last meal, which would probably be the last affordable tidbit on this old planet.

The execution would be death by smog, as the criminal is suspended over the freeway for about two hours in a stout wicker basket. The mortal remains can then be placed in a stone casket and buried in back of Devil's Gate Dam.

A set of asbestos underwear and a short-handled shovel must be included for the final Judgment Day.

With swift and true justice in full flower, a quiet and serene setting will be enjoyed again by the natives of the Valley.

PHILIP T. HOOPER

La Crescenta

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