Euphemisms abound in religious circles. Some are aimed at diminishing pain. Whether we like them or not, their goal is kindness.

What follows is a list of euphemisms often aimed by members of congregations at their leaders. They are phrases that should give pause because their intent is the opposite of kindness. By bitter experience, I've learned that when they appear in the give and take of congregational life, a hidden agenda is at work.

\o7 Make it short\f7 : Sometimes conveyed just by words, sometimes by body language suggesting impatience. The message, indicating boredom with "spiritual things," is often delivered to a clergy member just before a religious ceremony begins.

What's interesting about the message is that it's rarely directed at politicians or professors--two types perhaps most in need of such advice. Nor is it often directed at physicians, lawyers or guest speakers from out of town. People pay big money to hear from those people, suggesting that perhaps clergy should get more money. In a free-market economy, a thing has value only if a hefty price tag is attached. That which is offered without cost is almost always undervalued.

If clergy charged big fees for sermons and ceremonies--baptisms, weddings, funerals, bar and bat mitzvahs, baby namings and the like--the tolerance level of the congregation might increase.

\o7 I'm not really religious\f7 : This is a way of informing the clergy that the speaker neither participates in religious rituals nor supports religious institutions. It also suggests that the speaker disdains the spiritual values the clergy member represents.

Religion deals with all the "big questions"--good and evil, life and death, justice and compassion, love and hate, morality and sin. It's hard to imagine anyone who has not given serious thought to such things. With a nod to Descartes, I would suggest that "we think, therefore we are religious." More than one philosopher has remarked that everything in life is religious.

When people declare they are "not really religious," they are, without realizing it, making an important theological statement about themselves. The person who says, "I'm not really religious," is either lying or denying reality. Both are definite forms of "religious" behavior.