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He Might Want to Bone Up on Mutual Funds

April 23, 1994|JERRY CROWE

Former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson, serving a 6 1/2-year sentence at the Indiana Youth Center outside Indianapolis on a rape conviction, recently failed a high school equivalency exam, reportedly falling short on the math portion of the test.

"To be honest, though, what kind of a math test does a guy in Tyson's line of work really need to pass, anyway?" wrote Ron Borges of the Boston Globe. "All he needs to do is count to 10. . . .

"This is not to say there is no place for algebraic concepts in Tyson's life. Certainly, a question or two involving negative numbers, which allegedly were part of the exam that baffled him, would be something important for him to master.

"That will be especially true when Don King is his promoter."

Trivia time: What NBA team has the highest winning percentage in the playoffs?

Practice makes perfect: Said Bret Saberhagen of the New York Mets, who played himself in a movie called "The Scout:" "They shot me pitching to this kid, a phenom. I just pitched and then looked over my shoulder. That was easy, I've done that six times in the last two games I've pitched."

Unfinished business: Ray Bourque of the Boston Bruins, a four-time winner of the Norris Trophy as the NHL's best defenseman, told the Boston Globe: "You look at what I've done over 15 years, and one thing jumps out. I haven't played on a Stanley Cup champion."

Ugly American: Said catcher Joe Oliver of the Cincinnati Reds, after having X-rays taken at a Montreal hospital: "I got a look at socialized medicine, and if that's the future, I want no part of it. I felt like Fred Flintstone. I expected that a woodpecker would peck out the X-ray."

Two of a kind: Upon meeting Bob Gainey last summer, Randy Galloway of the Dallas Morning News told the Dallas Star coach: "Bob, I don't know that much about the NHL, but give me two weeks and I'll be an expert."

Said Gainey: "I've met your type before, but usually it's an owner."

New life: Wimp Sanderson, who became basketball coach at Arkansas Little Rock last week, was still coaching at Alabama when he said: "I've been here so long that when I got here, the Dead Sea wasn't even sick."

Trivia answer: The Lakers, with a .598 winning percentage. The Boston Celtics' playoff winning percentage is .593.

Quotebook: Xabier Azkargorta, coach of the Bolivian soccer team, after two of the nation's first-division clubs refused to release their players to train for his World Cup team: "I'm as baffled as Adam on Mother's Day."

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