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What's the Line on Ticks Versus Debutantes?

October 07, 1994|THOMAS BONK

Tired of all those boring team names like Cowboys, Seahawks, Broncos and Giants?

Here's David Letterman's list of "Top 10 Rejected NFL nicknames:"

10. The Opticians.

9. The Groin-Pullers.

8. The Porcelain Mice.

7. The Fightin' Amish.

6. The Blood-Swollen Ticks.

5. The Velveteen Rabbits.

4. The Referee Killers.

3. The Soft Angora Sweater-Wearing Debutantes.

2. The Greasy Ferrets.

1. The Highly Paid Dumb Guys.

Trivia time: Between 1964 and 1973, what was the only school besides UCLA that won the NCAA basketball championship?

Yes, it has: Detroit Lion running back Barry Sanders, a onetime spokesman against premarital sex, acknowledged recently he is the father of a 5-month-old son. The infant lives in Dallas with his mother.

Sanders, who is not married, said he sees the child about once a week. Sanders said he no longer speaks out against premarital sex.

Said Sanders: "My position on that has evolved."

For the record: Keith Olbermann's name was misspelled in Thursday's Morning Briefing.

Steve . . . oh, Steve!Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle said the good news for 49er fans was that quarterback Steve Young, who took a few big hits, didn't demand to be traded after being yanked in the third quarter of a 40-8 loss to the Philadelphia Eagles.

Said Ostler: "He couldn't demand to be traded somewhere else, because he wasn't sure where he was. Barstow? BYU?"

"Uh, Loan Dept.?"Peter Gammons in the Boston Globe: "The (baseball) owners are trying to find a bank that will give them a $100-million line of credit (where is Billie Sol Estes when they need him?)."

A box of chocolates: Alexander Mogilny, who defected from the Soviet Union in 1989 to join the Buffalo Sabres, was a guest of Russian President Boris Yeltsin in Washington recently. Mogilny said he was nervous.

Said Mogilny: "Now I know how Forrest Gump felt."

He combs it with a stick: The Kings made an effort to get bigger players in the off-season. All anybody has to do is look at Marty McSorley to notice the difference, said Coach Barry Melrose.

Said Melrose: "Now a guy like Marty doesn't even stand out on the ice, except for his beautiful blond hair."

Joe D. and TV: Herb Caen of the San Francisco Chronicle reported that Joe DiMaggio watched the final installment of the "Baseball" documentary while sitting at the bar of the Olympic Club, sipping soda and munching peanuts. DiMaggio will turn 80 next month.

Trivia answer: Texas Western in 1966.

Quotebook: Bill Fitch, Clipper coach, upon learning that loyal Clipper fan Billy Crystal would be doing a movie in which he portrayed a basketball referee: "How could Billy go over to the enemy that way?"

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