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LAUGH LINES : Jokes

June 19, 1995

Cirque du O.J. . . . Reactions to how the gloves fit, compiled by comedy writer Leslie Coogan:

* "A fiasco," says defense attorney Barry Tarlow.

* "Potentially devastating," says former Assistant U.S. Atty. Steven D. Clymer.

* "O.J.'s best role since 'Naked Gun,' " say Siskel and Ebert.

More Cirque: "Christopher Darden proved you may not have an airtight case if you have too-tight gloves." (Tony Peyser)

* "Only 200 of those type of gloves were sold at Bloomingdale's. How many were sold to Colombian hit men remains unclear." (Cutler Rock Comedy)

* "There was a delay in the proceedings when a Bloomingdale's clerk, originally told to testify, said, 'Find another witness, I'm on break.' " (Jerry Perisho)

* "Defense attorneys objected to O.J. picking up a marking pen. They say the most important test is whether he can still pick up the legal tab." (Cutler)

*

The Original Gloved One: "The bad news is that Michael Jackson is being called anti-Semitic for the lyrics in one of his new songs. The good news? David Duke loves the song." (Peyser)

* "Michael is outraged at accusations of anti-Semitism and is referring all inquiries to his publicist--Ed Rollins." (Bob Mills)

* "Michael and Lisa Marie said they have sex. Unfortunately, Diane Sawyer didn't have time for a follow-up question: 'With whom?' " (Mark Miller)

* "I don't want to say that he looked a little strange, but even Tammy Faye Bakker was going, 'What's with the makeup?' " (Jay Leno)

*

In the news: Comic Argus Hamilton, on the Michigan and Montana militias going to Washington to talk to members of Congress: "The leaders showed up in jungle camouflage fatigues. It generally takes a whole lot of green to get a senator's attention."

* Adds Hamilton: "They came to explain their beliefs. One said they hear the little voices no one else hears. So did Jack Nicholson in 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' and 'The Shining.' "

Comedy writer Bob Lacey, on Secret Service guards wearing rubber gloves when a group of gay elected leaders visited the White House: "With all the politicians normally traipsing in and out, you'd think the guards would wear boots too."

Comic Jenny Church, on L.A. County exploring a four-day work week to save money: "Many employees already work no more than four days a week, but they're really good at looking busy."

Premiere Morning Radio, on Paramount buying the rights to a "Forrest Gump" sequel: "If Tom Hanks doesn't return, Gump will be played by Val Kilmer."

*

Santa Monica reader Lori Cotten's son Christopher, 2, enjoys observing the moon and its different phases. While leaving the house one evening, the boy glanced at the sky and saw a bright, full moon:

"Oh, look!" he said. "They fixed it!"

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