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Laugh Lines

August 16, 1995

In the news: Jay Leno, on President Clinton's three-week vacation in Wyoming: "Clinton says he also plans to visit Yellowstone Park. This will be historical: Old Faithful getting together with Old Unfaithful."

* Adds comic Argus Hamilton: "A hundred years ago, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid hid out in Wyoming. Bank robbers didn't have friendly governors then, so they had to use a gun."

Cutler Daily Scoop, on donations slowing to the Clinton Legal Fund: "Once they saw the naked photos of Paula Jones in Penthouse, folks said, 'I'll be damned if I'll be paying for that.' "

Comic Jenny Church, on some companies adopting "cafeteria" plans, which allow employees to choose their benefits: "Actually, many firms are like cafeterias. The boss is a wienie, middle management is chicken, the bread isn't good, and there's no entree for women and minorities."

Hamilton, on the ABA saying unethical lawyers are now an epidemic: "It's an outbreak in L.A. Some are breeding with agents and producing a strain that could wipe out civilization."


The Happiest Place on Earth . . . Super-agent Michael Ovitz joins his pal Michael Eisner at Disney:

* "When his appointment was approved, Ovitz called Eisner and thanked him from the bottom of where his heart used to be before he became an agent." (Bob Mills)

* "Both men will be easily approachable. Just lay down the red carpet and kneel." (Alex Pearlstein)

* "This is a real breakthrough for Ovitz's clients at CAA. At least now they'll know why he's not returning their calls." (Mills)

* "About the only person in the industry now with more power than these two guys is the director of admissions at Betty Ford." (Cutler)


Cirque du O.J.: "Dist. Atty. Gil Garcetti denies he's tap-dancing around the Mark Fuhrman tapes, but he was accompanied to the news conference by Gregory Hines." (Tony Peyser)

* "The Fuhrman tapes supposedly contain him saying the 'N-word' 27 times. Or the equivalent of about three minutes of an old Richard Pryor record." (Cutler)

* "Fuhrman also allegedly makes disparaging remarks about a police supervisor who just happens to be Judge Ito's wife. We watched Carl Douglas fall on his sword. Maybe now we'll see Fuhrman fall on his lance." (Peyser)

* "The Simpson trial continues to impact life outside the courtroom. More than 100 Chinese restaurants have reported customers requesting food without EDTA." (Brad Halpern)


Four years ago, L.A. reader Abbie Crow Rich and her family spent a week at Lake Arrowhead. After eating dinner one night in a restaurant, her husband asked a waiter for the check. Daughter Kit, then 8, gave her dad a look of total amazement and asked:

"You mean they pay you to eat here?"

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