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July 10, 1996|Steve Harvey

Well, O.J. Didn't Like Jail Food, Either . . . :

During a preliminary hearing on a residential burglary charge the other day, an inmate ate his jail wristband in the Criminal Courts Building. Then he argued that he was not the defendant in question. The court dismissed his story as a bunch of baloney.

THE QUARTERBACK OF NOTRE DAME: The next time the Fighting Irish football team plays on the Disney-owned ABC network, you have to wonder if the broadcasters will be ordered to pronounce the school's name as it is in the movie "The Hunchback of Notre Dame." If nothing else, the film has taught millions of kids to say No-tra Dom and sound cultured.

We're reminded of a single friend of ours who visited a playground and was stunned to hear the kids saying the names of renaissance artists. Our friend had no children and was unaware that Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello also are the names of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

UH, DON'T CALL US . . . : John Sarley, co-owner of a Hollywood ad agency, received a fax from a job seeker who doesn't appear to be as "detail-oriented" as she claims (see excerpt). Little does she know that she would have had the same chance of getting the job if she had eaten the application.

WE'D RATHER SIT THIS ONE OUT: Zachary Charles of Burbank noticed an auto body repair shop with a sign that said, "May we have the next dents?"

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? Howard Joseph of West L.A. saw a bus that carried an ad for a health care provider that said, "Helping kids with asthma breathe easier." The ad was difficult to read, however, because the sign had been blackened by exhaust.

NOT EVERY ANGELENO IS ROOTLESS: C. Robert Triggs writes that of the 16 original families on his small Forbes Avenue block in Granada Hills, "seven still remain. There were some 45 children on this block who grew up and went to the local grade, junior high and high schools together."

Not only do the kids stay in touch, they're holding a reunion on July 20.

Adds Triggs: "I remember when we first moved on Forbes Avenue 40 years ago, the real estate salesman told us that the average homeowners remain in their home only five years."

WE KNOW THERE'S A DRINK CALLED 'SEX ON THE BEACH': Arlo Dundas noticed a menu at a Lawndale restaurant that promises that an exotic drink will be "promiscuously shaken to your delight."

BARKING UP THE WRONG FAMILY TREE? Ken Rosenhek of Beverly Hills received a piece of junk mail from a publisher announcing the "exciting news for you and all Rosenheks" that a "project relating to the distinguished Rosenhek name" has culminated in the publication of "The World Book of Rosenheks." Just $33.

A notation at the bottom of the letter says: "No direct genealogical connection to your family or to your ancestry is intended or implied."

Comments Rosenhek: "In that case, I guess I might as well send for 'The World Book of Harveys!' "

Don't bother, Ken. You're not in there. We checked our copy.


Ben Warner of L.A. noticed that there's an opening for general manager of the San Francisco Bay Area Rapid Transit District. A job ad said that applicants should send their resumes to Norman Roberts and Associates Inc. in Century City, adding that a candidate "must have a proven track record." Hey, leave the jokes to us.

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