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NEXT L.A. | Dialogue

Leaving Los Angeles

September 03, 1996

My neighbor--call him Mr. Jakes--has a habit of railing against everything. Speeding cars which zip down our street; dogs and their owners sans pooper-scoopers; trash pickup that doesn't--you name it. Most of the time I ignore Mr. Jakes, but a couple of days ago I suggested that since he was always at odds with things, perhaps he ought to secede from Los Angeles.

It seems a popular thing to do lately. What's good for the San Fernando Valley, Venice, San Pedro or Hollywood could work for our neighborhood--specifically our block, right here in the middle of 90035.

I think I'll call a meeting of our neighborhood association--although I'll have to form one in order for it to meet--and present them with the benefits of having our block become independent of Los Angeles.

For example, a couple of my neighbors are looking for work--with our own block/city there would be numerous opportunities for jobs as elected officials, block administrators, bureaucrats, etc. Our block politicians could run on a platform of full employment and win handily. Trash? No problem. One back yard on the block looks like a dump now. What's a few more loads of refuse?

Public safety and law enforcement could easily be handled by any one of several people on the block who make it a habit to know everyone else's business. They're sure to spy any troublesome sorts long before they get a chance to cause any trouble. We could contract with a police or fire agency using the funds we'd generate from catching and fining Mr. Jakes' aforementioned scofflaws.

I'm sure the idea would catch on. The United Blocks of America perhaps?


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