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SPORTS WEEKEND | THE TIMES' RANKING

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November 15, 1996|T.J. SIMERS | Times Staff Writer

CAPSULES AND RANKINGS

Team: 1. Denver (9-1)

Opponent: at New England

Comment: High noon for Elway-Bledsoe. Bledsoe's no Gary Cooper.

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Team: 2. Dallas (6-4)

Opponent: Green Bay

Comment: Too much coaching for Cheatin' Cheeseheads to overcome.

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Team: 3. Buffalo (7-3)

Opponent: Cincinnati

Comment: Ransom--Bills threaten to hold Super Bowl till they win it.

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Team: 4. Green Bay (8-2)

Opponent: at Dallas

Comment: Gladys Knight without Pips is Favre without receivers.

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Team: 5. San Francisco (7-3)

Opponent: Baltimore

Comment: Ravens--now there's an embarrassment to humankind.

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Team: 6. Pittsburgh (7-3)

Opponent: Jacksonville

Comment: Bill Cowher is 1-2 against Jaguars. He can't coach.

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Team: 7. Philadelphia (7-3)

Opponent: Washington

Comment: Ray Rhodes tires of Watters' whining. What took so long?

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Team: 8. New England (7-3)

Opponent: Denver

Comment: Four in a row! Michael Jackson's gonna have a baby!

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Team: 9. Kansas City (7-3)

Opponent: Chicago

Comment: First of two at home with cream puffs--Bears, Chargers.

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Team: 10. Washington (7-3)

Opponent: at Philadelphia

Comment: Mr. President, can Redskins borrow secretary of defense?

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Team: 11. Houston (6-4)

Opponent: Miami

Comment: Chandler vs. Marino. Holyfield vs. Tyson.

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Team: 12. Carolina (6-4)

Opponent: at St. Louis

Comment: Only thing between Panthers and victory No. 7--the Rams.

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Team: 13. Seattle (5-5)

Opponent: at Detroit

Comment: Seahawks must look like Big Foot to beleagured Fontes.

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Team: 14. Miami (5-5)

Opponent: at Houston

Comment: Jimmy Johnson ain't nothin' special without Jerry Jones.

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Team: 15. San Diego (6-4)

Opponent: Tampa Bay

Comment: AFC version of Buccaneers; 32 quarters with no TDs rushing.

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Team: 16. Indianapolis (5-5)

Opponent: N.Y. Jets

Comment: Clock has struck 12, pumpkins have been smashed.

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Team: 17. Minnesota (5-5)

Opponent: at Oakland

Comment: Johnson starts, Moon sits. Yes, a total eclipse.

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Team: 18. Cincinnati (4-6)

Opponent: at Buffalo

Comment: Coslet better than David Shula--heck, better than Don.

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Team: 19. Oakland (4-6)

Opponent: Minnesota

Comment: New Mexico referee beaten up; Raiders have alibi.

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Team: 20. Detroit (4-6)

Opponent: Seattle

Comment: Say a Hail Mary for Fontes.

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Team: 21. Arizona (4-6)

Opponent: N.Y. Giants

Comment: Boomer throws for 500; Bidwill becomes popular.

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Team: 22. N.Y. Giants (4-6)

Opponent: at Arizona

Comment: Can they afford to trade Williams--oops, wrong Giants.

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Team: 23. Chicago (4-6)

Opponent: at Kansas City

Comment: Bulls have twice as many victories as the Bears.

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Team: 24. Jacksonville (4-6)

Opponent: at Pittsburgh

Comment: Mean coach gives players day off. Editors, take note.

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Team: 25. Baltimore (3-7)

Opponent: at San Francisco

Comment: Imagine if Mayor Willie Brown had to watch Vinny.

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Team: 26. Tampa Bay (2-8)

Opponent: at San Diego

Comment: Imagine if Mayor Willie Brown had to watch Dilfer.

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Team: 27. New Orleans (2-8)

Opponent: at Atlanta

Comment: Falcons give up 59 points and still are favored.

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Team: 28. St. Louis (3-7)

Opponent: Carolina

Comment: Another TD or two and Rams would have hit Georgia's age.

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Team: 29. N.Y. Jets (1-9)

Opponent: at Indianapolis

Comment: Jets deny wanting to replace Kotite with Fontes.

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Team: 30. Atlanta (1-9)

Opponent: New Orleans

Comment: What was the quarterback's name? George Jeff?

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THE POLLS: Associated Press and USA Today/CNN--C10

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