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Only in L.A.

March 07, 1997|STEVE HARVEY

Lost Angeles:

The L.A. Daily News happily pointed out the other day that the San Fernando Valley, with 1.3 million people, could become the largest city in Southern California if it secedes from Los Angeles--AND, if Venice, San Pedro "and maybe other communities" also bid adios to the City of Angels. (Westchester--say it isn't so!)

Such a transformation would obviously raise innumerable questions. What would the Valley's metropolitan giant be named? Luckily, for Valley leaders, we've discussed this issue in the past.

Times readers offered several suggestions, including 29 Malls, Rancho de los Ranchos and Suburbank.

But a problem that has been ignored would be what to call a downsized Los Angeles. Baja Encino? Los Angelitos? East Malibu? We await your suggestions.

THERE MUST BE A CITY HALL FOR HIM SOMEWHERE . . . : The birth of a Valley metropolis might also influence Tom Hayden's political plans. Hayden, you'll recall, moved from Santa Monica to Brentwood to run for mayor of L.A. If he loses to Richard Riordan this year, might he then move "over the hill" to run for the same office in the Valley?

L.A.S OF THE WORLD, UNITE! If the Valley and San Pedro should defect (we consider Venice to be in a separate world already), there's no reason L.A. couldn't do some annexing.

After all, Brian Hanrahan has come upon an L.A. in Canada while Glenn Gruber bumped into another L.A. in Maine.

So what if the two names are short for Lethbridge, Alberta, and Lubec America, respectively?

L.A. is L.A., we say.

And the advantages of incorporating these two areas into the City of Angels shouldn't be minimized.

Los Angeles' status among diners, for example, would surely be elevated with the addition of Lubec America's legendary Uncle Kippy's.

NO FRONDS OF OURS: Our recent list of writers' slams at Southland palm trees--"isolate, like psychopaths," John Updike wrote--rang a bell with Tom Hickey of Whittier.

He recalled a slightly less literary description by syndicated columnist Mike Royko: "Utility poles with feathers."

miscelLAny:

Al Hix of Hollywood took part in a TV Guide survey by telephone, after which the solicitor said: "I'm calling from Ohio. Do you really have a lot of people in Los Angeles who don't speak English? Or do they just want to get out of answering questions for a survey?"

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