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Only in L.A.

May 23, 1997|Steve Harvey

Life in the not-so-big city:

From a crime standpoint, Sierra Madre is pretty quiet. But it's by no means dull, judging from the Sierra Madre News' list of calls to police. These seemingly unrelated reports often form a riveting narrative, as, for example, on Monday:

8:48 a.m.: "Irate female following Explorer car; 300 block Baldwin."

10:10 a.m.: "Fingerprints found on sink; mistress suspected; police advised; unable to take prints."

2:32 p.m: "Two guys fighting. . . ."

(Was there an Explorer car parked nearby?)

Two days earlier, the drama took a different turn:

10:15 p.m.: "Skateboarders talking too loud; 200 block Michillinda."

11:28 p.m.: "Possible mountain lion."

11:33 p.m: "Unknown man around Esperanza and Baldwin."

Were the skateboarders talking about the creature? Or was the lion attracted by their strange sounds? And the unknown man--might he have fled his neighborhood (where he was indeed known) at the sight of the beast? Or at the sight of the skateboarders? We can't wait for next week's issue.

ATTENTION FISH RIGHTS GROUPS: You may have cause to protest the beer-battering treatment of the critters at one Westside eatery, judging from the shot taken by Terence O'Brien (see photo).

IMPORT: Charles Bryan of Lakewood snapped a picture of a manhole cover that has done some traveling (see photo). On the subject of Mexico, however, we were incorrect to say in Thursday's paper that Cortez, the conqueror of the Aztecs, explored the United States; we were thinking of Coronado. And, no, we weren't beer-battered at the time.

KUDOS, READERS: Yes, your attempts to rhyme Los Angeles caught the eye of UCLA poetry instructor G.B. Tennyson, who devoted his Criticus column to the campaign in the May / June issue of California Political Review.

Of course, he noted that even his favorite pairings with Los Angeles, banjo-less and tarantulas, were only in slant, or partial, rhyme. None were in full rhyme, as for instance, Long Beach and wrong peach are.

Tennyson (fine name for a poetry instructor) also mentioned some other city-rhyming failures, including songwriter Lorenz Hart's touching lyric:

I've wined and dined on Mulligan stew and never asked for turkey / I've hitched and hiked and grifted too from Maine to Albuquerque.

The UCLA instructor concluded with a discussion of another of our searches--one for appropriate professional names, such as dentists named Payne, etc. But Tennyson points out it would be even more fun to find people whose names rhyme with their professions.

"Slant rhyme permitted," he says. "Send to Steve Harvey."

We're waiting, our interest unabating.

miscelLAny

Share a Smile Becky, the doll in a pink wheelchair that was unveiled at a toy store in Washington, is reminiscent of Barbie in one respect. The Washington Post observed that El Segundo-based Mattel designed Becky so she shares "Barbie's signature stacked physique, which some women's groups have extrapolated into a 5-foot-10, 110-pound bombshell measuring 39-23-33."

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