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Laugh Lines

Punch Lines

May 29, 1997

World View: "NATO and Russia have signed a pact in which they pledge to defend each other against obsolescence." (Gary Easley)

* "The two will share information, ideas, villains for movies." (Cutler Daily Scoop)

"The new president of Iran, Mohammad Khatami, has been described as a moderate. Already, he is considering whether it is OK to wear dark gray." (Easley)

"First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton told a crowd in Amsterdam that without women's work, the global economy would collapse overnight," says Argus Hamilton. "She's right. If Andrea Mitchell doesn't keep Alan Greenspan happy, it's the end of us all."

The archbishop of Canterbury spent the weekend marking 1,400 years of Christianity in England, says Bob Harris. "In 597, St. Augustine arrived in Canterbury, where he was welcomed by villagers with gifts and songs and a short speech by Strom Thurmond."

*

The Prez: The Supreme Court says Paula Jones can sue Bill Clinton while he is still in office. "The president argues such a case will interfere with the workings of his administration," says Alan Ray. "He won't be able to testify in any other trials."

* "It was great news inside the doghouse," says Hamilton. "Frank Gifford, Marv Albert and Kelly Flinn just got a fourth for bridge."

* "President Clinton's only hope for immunity is an act of Congress. He's accused of sexually harassing a woman who worked for him and lying about it. If that isn't an act of Congress, I don't know what is." (Hamilton)

The court does suggest the case could be delayed for non-immunity reasons. "Yeah. For fall sweeps." (Daily Scoop)

The house in Hope, Ark., where Bill Clinton lived until he was 4 has been opened to visitors, says Bob Mills. "It will serve as a temporary exhibit until the log cabin he was born in can be built."

*

The Industry: "It would have been great to be the screenwriter for 'The Lost World,' " says Alex Kaseberg. "I wouldn't mind getting paid big bucks to write 'Dinosaur runs amok. Repeat.' "

* The National Spelling Bee started Wednesday. "One young contestant from Hollywood was tripped up with 'tyrannosaurus.' He spelled it b-o-x o-f-f-i-c-e g-o-l-d." (Kaseberg)

"In its latest promotional tie-in with Disney, McDonald's will sell collections of songs from Disney musicals. They will be packaged with McDonald's new Sappy Meals." (Alex Pearlstein)

A filmmaker lost a $50-million suit accusing Pamela Anderson Lee of backing out of a movie. "Lee won on a technicality. The agreement called for her to act in the movie and, well, she can't." (Kaseberg)

Reader Margaret Rearden was anxious to hear about her daughter's first day of school. When she asked, the kindergartner replied:

"They taught me how to write my name, but they didn't teach me how to read it yet."

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