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Laugh Lines

Punch Lines

June 25, 1997

Sporting Scene: "Orlando Magic owner Rich DeVos has been released from the hospital following his June 2 heart transplant. He was immediately informed he'd have to sell the Magic," says Jerry Perisho. "Professional-sports-team owners aren't allowed to have hearts."

"ESPN Sports Center host Keith Olbermann will be leaving the sports network to pursue other opportunities," says Argus Hamilton. "He may take a job on Court TV. That way he could cover football players year-round."

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Weird Facts: According to Glamour magazine, many women name their breasts. "How does this work? 'Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Angela, Thelma and Louise?' " (Perisho)

A woman is out to break the Guinness Book of Records mark for being in a chamber with the largest number of scorpions, says Hamilton. "The old record is held by Lance Ito."

The Air Force concluded that reports of alien bodies at Roswell, N.M., in 1947 were actually crash test dummies used in parachute experiments. "Not to be confused with the dummies who believe they've been abducted by aliens," explains Mark Wheeler.

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Blockbusters: A 32-screen movie theater is planned in London. "The 8,000-seat structure will be one of a kind," says Alan Ray. "It will feature the world's longest popcorn line."

"Why does Batman have to name everything he owns with the word 'bat?' " asks Jay Leno. "He's got the Batcave, the Batmobile, the Batphone. Like, when he gets out of the shower, does he step on the Batmat?"

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Disney Universe: "Disney President Michael Eisner, who was paid $204 million last year, is the top moneymaker in California according to a new list. Second on the list is anyone receiving a compensation package after leaving Disney." (Paul Ecker)

According to Daily Variety, Disney is moving ahead with a follow-up to the 1988 animated hit "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" "The prequel will tell how Roger Rabbit got to Hollywood," says the Cutler Daily Scoop. "You can imagine him in those early years--'I'm not a waiter. I'm just drawn that way.' "

Disney's new film, "Hercules," is based on history, says Ray. "The producers looked at past animated film profits."

Reader Maureen Cobas was discussing T-ball practice with her son Aaron, 6, when he asked what his little brother, in the throes of the "terrible 2s," would be doing during the practice. "Well, he could be the batboy," Cobas suggested.

"That's a great idea, Mom," said Aaron. "Stevie would be a perfect bad boy."

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