What would you call the chief executive of a game that has suffered labor stoppages in two of his five seasons, had one postseason tournament canceled, hasn't regained its pre-strike attendance level, has seen ratings for its all-star game plummet and has a conflict of interest to boot?
In business, they would call him "unemployed." In baseball, they're getting set to call him "Commissioner."
Paul Beeston, the Toronto Blue Jay executive who was recently named Major League Baseball's chief operating officer, says his choice as CEO would be Milwaukee Brewer owner Bud Selig, who has run the game as interim commissioner since fellow owners dumped Fay Vincent at the end of the 1992 season.
Says Beeston: "I would be thrilled if Buddy would take the job."
Sure, who wouldn't be?
Wise guys: USA Today's Mel Antonen and Mike Dodd asked the Oregon Climate Service for the number of days since September, 1992, that the temperature was 32 degrees or below in Hells Canyon.
Thus, they note Hell has frozen over 658 times since baseball had a commissioner.
Trivia time: What NFL receiver was the first to catch 100 passes in a season?
Get set for a big splash: Shaquille O'Neal will do a guest spot on "Baywatch." No, he isn't going to play a passing whale, he's going to dive in and rescue someone.
"Shaquille O'Neal asked me if he could be on the show," David Hasselhoff told TV's entertainment magazine show "Access Hollywood."
"And so Shaq is going to come on and make a couple of rescues for us as a gag."
It wouldn't be such a gag to Hasselhoff if he was the one in the water, watching the 7-foot, 330-pound O'Neal coming at him.
Rolling Stones or Pro Bowl?: Some hard choice.
Honolulu's Aloha Stadium turned down the venerable rock group for a Jan. 21 concert, saying it wouldn't have enough time to prepare the stadium for the NFL's largely ignored-but-still-a-boon-to-tourism all-star game.
Oops! Everyone's phones started ringing off the hook, right up to the state house, prompting Gov. Ben Cayetano to intervene and effect a compromise.
Now the concert will be held Jan. 19 and labeled the kickoff event for Pro Bowl Week.
Add forgettable quotes: New Kansas City Royal Manager Tony Muser, on calling a meeting after an 11-3 loss to the Oakland Athletics: "I was somewhat embarrassed about our performance and the way we played. I hope they listened."
The next night, the Royals lost to the A's, 11-3, again.
Trivia answer: Art Monk of the Washington Redskins, who caught 106 in 1984.
And finally: Wide receiver Anthony Miller, who has played with both, asked the difference between the Broncos' John Elway and the Cowboys' Troy Aikman. "Troy is more accurate and Elway throws it harder," Miller said. "Troy has three Super Bowl rings. Elway has three losses."
In case you were wondering, Miller is now a Cowboy.