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Laugh Lines

Punch Lines

April 16, 1998

Child's Play: "Good news for those of you who live in L.A. There's a new tax rule: You can now deduct your inner child as a dependent." (Jay Leno)

Beatle Juice: Sean Lennon claims the government killed his father. "If John had that much power, why couldn't he get more than three people to buy Yoko's albums?" (Charlee Hutton)

Hand Jive: "Singer George Michael, out and about on the town again. Apparently, the scandal has died down. Last night I saw him at one of his favorite restaurants: the Palm." (Leno)

Death Wish: The Hollywood Memorial Park Cemetery has just been sold. This is the resting place for Douglas Fairbanks, Cecil B. DeMille and the world's greatest lover, Rudolph Valentino. "Cemetery improvements include much-needed maintenance, landscaping and state-of-the-art George Michael-proof restroom." (Buzz Report)

Straight Shooter: "The other night George Michael announced he is gay, which is fine. The part I thought was interesting was when he told the interviewer he had not had a meaningful relationship with a woman for 10 years. So he's like every straight guy in L.A." (Leno)

And He Scores: Hillary Clinton introduced a new CD-ROM offering a virtual tour of the White House. "A special directory shows you the Oval Office, the family's quarters and all the places the president has scored with White House interns." (Jerry Perisho)

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LAUGH TRACK

Humorist Bob Somerby notes this on Monica Lewinsky: "She's coming out with an album from her answering machine."

Craig Kilborn on Yankee Stadium's disrepair: "This latest incident only adds fuel to Steinbrenner's fiery push for a new stadium. Steinbrenner was unavailable for comment because he was at Sears returning a blowtorch and a hacksaw."

Conan O'Brien on this week's White House Easter egg roll: "Afterward, President Clinton said, 'No one enjoys rolling around on the White House lawn more than me.' "

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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