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Punch Lines

April 27, 1998

Turn On, Tune In, Drop in the Mailbox: The Postal Service is issuing a series of stamps commemorating the 1960s. "They don't look any different on the front, but you can tell they're from the '60s about an hour after you lick the back." (Conan O'Brien)

Men Are From Mars: Director James Cameron has optioned a trilogy of books about Mars for a possible movie. "He plans to build a full-size replica of the Red Planet and put it into orbit soon." (Premiere Radio)

Political Magic: NBC's movie "Merlin" is about the legendary magician and King Arthur, who, according to some tales, never died but was placed in a deep slumber and remained motionless, waiting to be called upon to lead the country. "Kind of like Al Gore today." (Jay Leno)

Pre-Nino: Researchers say droughts were responsible for wiping out the first British colonists. "Starvation was also a problem because Domino's only delivered in 30 days or less." (Joshua Sostrin)

Sympathy for the Beagle: Hallmark has a new line of cards for dogs. "There's 'Thank You for Playing Fetch' and 'Let's Go for a Walk' and the classic 'Sorry About Romancing Your Leg, My Owner Will Pay for the Dry Cleaning.' " (Alex Kaseberg)

James Earl Dead: James Earl Ray, convicted assassin of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., has died. "The strange part is he died at Paul McCartney's ranch in Tucson." (Jerry Perisho)

Babe Hunt: "Baywatch" held a talent search, and contestants were asked why they wanted to be a "Baywatch" babe. "The most popular answer was, 'Duh.' " (O'Brien)

Girls at Work: Thursday was "Take Our Daughters to Work Day." "Of course, if you work for Nike overseas, your daughter had probably already been at work for 18 hours. It was just another day." (Leno)

Fixed Fights: Sixteen former guests of the "Jerry Springer Show" said the fights are fake. "The FCC was looking into it but said it's out of their jurisdiction because Springer is governed by the World Wrestling Federation." (Leno)


The Essential David Letterman:

Top 10 most embarrassing jobs . . .

9. Pillsbury Stomach Poker

7. U.S. ambassador to David Hasselhoff.

5. Any job in which you're required to use the word Frappuccino.

3. Dairy Queen's senior vice president in charge of Scrumpdillyiciousness.

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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