THOUSAND OAKS — "I can't have an eating disorder. If I did, I couldn't be running as well as I am."
Kim Mortensen told herself that repeatedly for two years before learning she was suffering from anorexia nervosa.
Mortensen, a national champion in cross-country and a national record-setter in track during her senior year at Thousand Oaks High, has stopped running competitively.
She retains the athletic scholarship she earned from UCLA, but she might never run for the Bruins again.
Her health is her primary concern.
"It's been very difficult," Mortensen said. "I was in it for two years and it's taking just as much energy to deal with as it took me to run."
Anorexia nervosa is a disorder in which preoccupation with dieting and staying thin leads to excessive weight loss.
One percent of teenage girls in the U.S. develop anorexia and up to 10% of those might die as a result, according to The American Anorexia/Bulimia Assn.
Mortensen's anorexia can be traced to the summer of 1995.
That's when she began to cut fatty foods out of her diet and increase the intensity of her training so she could have a senior season she "could be proud of."
Fast foods were prohibited at that point, but her diet got progressively more strict.
Candy and cookies were eliminated. Fruit juices were out because they contain too many "empty" calories.
Granola bars and several types of nuts were soon added to the banned list because they contain small amounts of fat.
Breakfast typically included a cup of nonfat yogurt and an apple or a bowl of cereal and an apple.
Lunch was a sandwich, some carrots and perhaps an apple or orange.
Dinner included some form of carbohydrates, but in small portions.
Her daily intake of 800-1,500 calories was woefully inadequate for an athlete in training.
"I just felt so scared because I was so controlled about my eating," Mortensen said. "I wanted to be able to have less restraints on what I ate, but I couldn't. It was torture."
Kim's mother, Judy, herself a former anorexic, tried to get her daughter to eat more--with no success.
Kim would listen attentively as Judy told her why she needed to eat the additional food, but she couldn't put it into practice.
If Kim ate something extra in the morning, she subtracted something in the afternoon.
"You can only do so much," Judy Mortensen said. "It's like you can lead them to water, but they have to take the drink themselves."
Said Kim: "It was all about control. I felt that if I could be disciplined in all aspects of my life, I could be disciplined on the track. And no matter what happened, I could withstand any amount of pain out there."
Mortensen's intensive training and restrictive diet drastically altered her physique.
From competing at 115 pounds as a junior, the 5-foot-3 Mortensen withered to 95 pounds as a senior.
Eric Peterson, women's cross-country coach at UCLA, was so concerned about Mortensen's weight loss he asked her about it on a recruiting visit to the Mortensen home.
"I asked her what the biggest difference was between her junior year and her senior year," Peterson said. "There was a little silence and then she said, 'Well, I have lost a lot of weight.' I then said, 'Look, if there is something going on, let's get it out on the table.' "
Kim doesn't recall the question, but she said UCLA's team doctors closely monitored her weight and tried to limit her training regimen.
Dr. Aurelia Nattiv examined Mortensen before the start of her freshman cross-country season and advised her to limit her training to five runs a week with a cross-training workout on another day. But Kim often added a 60- or 90-minute hike to the equation without telling anyone.
Compulsive exercise is among the characteristics of someone suffering from anorexia and Mortensen constantly cleaned her dorm room or her parents' house when she returned home.
"I always had to be moving," she said. "I always had to be doing something. It was very compulsive. It was very obsessive. Everything just became a habit."
Her eating disorder also adversely affected her social life.
She'd make up excuses for not going out with friends because she was afraid they'd end up eating somewhere.
"It was emotionally very confining," she said. "It was almost like I was in prison because I began to isolate myself. It's confining because you can't go out with your friends because they're might be snacks or food around and everyone will be wondering why you're not eating anything."
Mortensen first suspected she might be anorexic midway through her senior year at Thousand Oaks, but her running flourished long after that.
After winning the national high school cross-country title in December of 1995, Mortensen set a national high school record in the 3,200 meters the following May.
