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THE BEST...THE BEAUTIFUL...AND THE BIZARRE | AND THE
BIZARRE KICK PL8SPK | SO SOCAL

Lookupp Indasky

January 11, 1998|Daniel Nussbaum

Each word is taken from the vanity plate master list issued by the DMV.

1DAY YOUARE KIKINIT ATHOME WHENNNN

OUTOF THINAIR UR HERE24 UNKNOEN

FAIREY GODMTHR DUZ SHOWUPP.

THER SHEIS, BYDPOOL GOINN "WZZUP!" SHEEZ

BUDIFL! REMINES YA ALOTTA JJANE PAWLY.

*

SHESAYS, "UCAN HAVE DA ABILITY 2FLI

OR ZPOWIR 2READ MINDZ--1ORR

THEOTHR--WATT DO UPIC?"

*

IPH IDOIDO EVERRR RECEIVE THS OFFER,

IAMM ALREADY DECIDED. SHURE, MIND

READING CUDD MAKEMEE THISS TREMNDO

POKRWIZ, BUT ILPASS.

*

IDNTCRE 2LEARN THAT IF SOME1 SEZ,

"NICE SSHOES" HEE ACTUALY

DUZ THYNK "YELLO? YELLLO?"

*

ANYWAY, EVENN WITHOUT SUPRPWR

IKNO WUT GOES ONN WITHIN

THA HUMAN BRAYN:

*

"IWANTT EGPLANT!" (DSIRE.) "MOR

EGPLNT!" (GREEEED.) "GOT2HAV EGGPLNT!"

(ADIKSHN.) "IZ DIS REELY EGGG PLANTE?"

(FEAR.) "NO1KNOWS DAT IDO WEAR AA

HAIR PEEZE." (DELUZNL THINKIN.)

*

02FLIE! DATZ4ME! FAREWEL GRAVITI!

HELLLO SKYE! CMESOAR! CMEE GLIDING,

DIVIN! MEETT MII NU HOMIES: DABIRDS.

GIVEME DE CHOYCE ANND ILL FLOTE BII YA

WINDO. (IDIG YERCOOL SHOOZ! YELLOW!)

For PL8SPK translation, please see Page 36.

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)

Look Up. In the Sky.

One day you are kicking it at home when out of thin air your heretofore unknown fairy godmother does show up. There she is, by the pool, going, "What's up?" She's beautiful! Reminds you a lot of Jane Pauley. She says, "You can have the ability to fly or the power to read minds--one or the other--what do you pick?" If I ever do receive this offer, I am already decided. Sure, mind reading could make me this tremendo poker whiz, but I'll pass. I don't care to learn that if someone says, "Nice shoes," he does actually think, "Yellow? Yellow?" Anyway, even without superpower I know what goes on within the human brain: "I want eggplant." (Desire.) "More eggplant." (Greed.) "Got to have eggplant." (Addiction.) "Is this really eggplant?" (Fear.) "No one knows that I do wear a hairpiece." (Delusional thinking.) Oh to fly! That's for me! Farewell, gravity! Hello, sky! See me soar! See me gliding, diving! Meet my new homies: the birds. Many people want to know what other folks are scheming. Who needs it? Give me the choice and I'll float by your window. (I dig your cool shoes! Yellow!)

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