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THE BEST OF SUMMER: THE BEST...THE BEAUTIFUL...AND
THE BIZARRE | PL8SPK | SO SOCAL

Smrtme Anda Livn Izz Over8ed

June 07, 1998|Daniel Nussbaum

Each word is taken from the vanity plate master list issued by the DMV*

JSLKTHT, SUDNLY ITZ SUMMAR

1MOTM ANNDD IPROMSS MYSELF,

DIS1 WILB DFRNT . . .

*

DHOPE: SHOULDI BEA RKLIMBR,

DPCDVR, HNGLDR? 2SURF OR

BNJIJMP? HOWE2 DECIED?

ZE REALITI: CHANL2, CHANEL4, CHNL5

ORR CHANEL9? HOW2 DECIDE?

*

MYPLAN: IRPRSBL MOZART ANND

ESSA PKA ATD HLYWD BOL.

AHHSUMR! HWDL8FL!

MILYFE: YIZZIT EVRY1 HAZZ

ABETR PIKNIK BASKET DANME?

IKANT DLWIDIT!

*

MYTHE: 2GO BAKPAKN BYMYSLF

NTHE HISIERA. IMENSLY SPIRI2L.

FACT: IDO GO2AMUV BIMISLF,

SIT NEXXXXT 2A SNEEZER UND

CNTMPL8 MRDER.

*

IDEALLY: 2GRUV 2DBEAT UV MNDLSS

SUMMMMR OLDEES ONDA RAYDIO.

ACTUALY: "WE PROMIS 2BEAT ANY

PRYCE ORE UR MATTRIS IZ PHREE!"

*

IEXPCT: ON MSLBECH, "WTTABOD!"

IGET: "EEEKK, ITTS DABLOB!"

*

THEDREM: ILLWORK 4ZIP ATA

DAYCAMP FORRE

HOMELIS ORPHANZ.

THTRUTH: IWILLE WORK ONN MYY

TAN WHYL IWORRY IN AVAGUE

WAY BOUT AA FATAL MELNOMA.

*

*For PL8SPK translation, please see Page 38.

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)

Summertime and the Living Is Overrated

Just like that, suddenly it's summer one more time and I promise myself, this one will be different . . .

The hope: Should I be a rock climber, deep-sea diver, hang glider? To surf or bungee jump? How to decide?

The reality: Channel 2, Channel 4, Channel 5 or Channel 9? How to decide?

My plan: Irrepressible Mozart and Esa-Pekka at the Hollywood Bowl. Ah, summer! How delightful!

My life: Why is it everyone has a better picnic basket than me? I can't deal with it!

Myth: To go backpacking by myself in the High Sierra. Immensely spiritual.

Fact: I do go to a movie by myself, sit next to a sneezer and contemplate murder.

Ideally: To groove to the beat of mindless summer oldies on the radio.

Actually: "We promise to beat any price or your mattress is free!"

I expect: On Muscle Beach, "What a bod!"

I get: "Eek, it's The Blob!"

The dream: I'll work for zip at a day camp for homeless orphans.

The truth: I will work on my tan while I worry in a vague way about a fatal melanoma.

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