Advertisement
YOU ARE HERE: LAT HomeCollections

ART BUCHWALD

The Big Bombshell: Pakistan, India--Gone

June 10, 1998|ART BUCHWALD

The CIA chief for Southeast Asia rushed into the director's office. "Sir, India has just disappeared from the face of the Earth."

"What the devil are you talking about?"

"Here are the U-2 photos. India used to be here--now it's gone."

"This is very strange," the director said. "Are you sure India was here in the first place?"

"Yes, sir. India was right here."

"Is it possible India wants us to think it is no longer there so it can embarrass the CIA?"

"I doubt it, sir. Our agents have been watching everything India has been doing, and we didn't see anything that looked suspicious."

The director looked at the photos. "What is this large cloud in the photo?"

"I don't know, sir. We think it looks like a hydrogen bomb."

"Impossible. India doesn't know how to construct a hydrogen bomb. They can't even build an atomic one. But the Indians make very good ivory chess sets. Have you checked with our man in New Delhi?"

"There is no New Delhi. There is a vast wasteland where it used to be located."

"This is very interesting. What was the last intercept we had from our listening devices?"

"All the person said was, '10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1.' We're trying to break the code now."

Another top CIA executive rushed into the office. "Sir, Pakistan has disappeared from the face of the Earth. We can't find it anywhere."

The director seemed slightly annoyed. "We'd better find out what's going on before Congress does. Any ideas?"

"No, sir. The only thing our photos show is a mushroom cloud floating over its capital."

"Ask the National Weather Service if a mushroom cloud has anything to do with El Nino."

"Are you going to tell the president, sir?"

"I'm not sure. He's getting such bad news these days I hate to bother him."

Advertisement
Los Angeles Times Articles
|
|
|