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Laugh Lines

Punch Lines

March 24, 1998

The President in Action: CNN has learned that President Clinton has invoked executive privilege in an effort to limit the questioning of two top aides in the Monica Lewinsky investigation. "Isn't it 'executive privilege' that Kathleen Willey is claiming the president used against her?" (Johnny Robish)

Hold That Thought: The $1-billion Getty Museum was completed with no restrooms in the North or South Pavilion and only one set of small restrooms in the West Pavilion. Patrons will have to ask themselves, "Where would Vincent van Gogh?" (Valerie Hansen)

Democracy in Action: Russian President Boris Yeltsin has fired his entire government. "Fortunately, we do things differently in America. Here, the government tries to fire the president." (Kenny Noble Cortes)

The A-Team: Fox network has bought the Los Angeles Dodgers. "Fox has already started making changes. . . . From now on, the Dodgers' starting lineup is made up of Aaron Spelling's children." (Conan O'Brien)

Hands Across America: "President Clinton's advance team did a good job, considering his enthusiastic welcome in Ghana. His point man told the Ghanaians that 'grope' meant 'he who walks on water.' " (Wayne E. Scott)

No-Show at the Shrine: A judge has ruled that Robert Downey Jr. must spend an additional day in jail for every day he spent working on his last movie. "Why can't they do that for Pauly Shore?" (Steve Voldseth)

Offensive Moves: President Clinton will host a program on ESPN. "He'll be giving out scores, and that doesn't include ones from the White House." (Paul Ecker)

Defensive Moves: "First Lady Hillary Clinton says her husband's appearance on ESPN is part of a 'Detroit Red Wing conspiracy.' " (Paul Ecker)

Hold the Peas: A new British cable channel will soon be competing with American TV stations. "Well, at least The Food Network has nothing to worry about." (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Trumped: Hugh Hefner's estranged wife, Kimberly, is now dating Donald Trump. "Now, there's a match made in divorce court." (Premiere Radio)

Chavez Ravine Place: "One good thing about the Dodgers being owned by the company that puts 'Melrose Place' on TV--they should score more." (Stephen Hendricks)

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* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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