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THE BEST...THE BEAUTIFUL...AND THE BIZARRE | PL8SPK
| SO SOCAL

Lonely ATZTOP?

November 08, 1998|Daniel Nussbaum

Each word is taken from the vanity plate master list issued by the DMV*

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DERE ARE GYANTZ AMONGUS. TTU NAME1: BRUUCE.

MYFRENN IZ SOTALL NO1 HAZZ EVR SEEN

DATOPPA HIZ HED. WHEN AA CHOPPPR DOESZ WHIZZZ BI, HEE DUX 2PROTEC HIMCELF. HHE SAWA TOWERN SEQOYA TTREE ONCE ANND HESED, "YEAHSO?" OKMAYBE IDO XAGGER8. HEIZ 6FT6. IMSHORT, SSO 6FT6IN SEAMS MYTHIC 2ME.

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ZTALL1 DDID TELLME ZIS STORI: ONEDAY NOT LONGAGO, BRUUUCE WENTE TTO TRADR JOS 2SHOP WITH ELLN, HIZZ GDFREND. (MINE2.) PIKCHA ONE THINMAN, NICELKN, CALMLY

ABVITAL UND ZLOVELY ELN, HAPILY MUVN FROMD FROZEN FOOD CASE 2D ALWAZE SUMWHUT KAOTIK TJ CHEQ OWT ZONE.

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DATZ WHERE BRU SAW SUMTHNG SORARE, 4A 2ND HES DOUBTN REALITI: SUM1 TALLER.

HESED2 ELLIN, "IS DATMAN TAALLA DEN ME?" SHEGOZ, "NOTSURE. ITHNKSO."

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SSO WITHOUT SAYANG AWORD, MIAMIGO DUZ WALKUP2 DA RMRKABL TALLGUY AND STANZ BAK2BCK SO ELLEN KAN COMPAIR.

"HEIS!" SHESED OUTLOUD. ANDTHEN 2DA

XTRDNRI TALLKAT: "HOWW TALLLLL RU?"

BUYNOW BBRUCE IZZZ FACEN DMANN, LUKINUP. "IM 7FEET," HEEE SEZ, FRENNLY, OBVISLY

USED2 ZAT QUESTIN.

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BRRRUCE NEVAR GETZ DCHANS 2LOOK

UPPAT NE1. BUT THSTIME, 4ONCE HEGOTT

2B SMALLE. HEHE DUZZ STAND NEXTT 2Z ONEDAFL TALDUDE FOR AS LONG AZ

HECANN. 42N8LEE THE LINES AT DIS

STORR MOOV REALSLO.

*

For translation of PL8SPK, please see Page 34

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)

Lonely at the Top?

There are giants among us. To name one: Bruce. My friend is so tall no one has ever seen the top of his head. When a chopper does whiz by, he ducks to protect himself. He saw a towering sequoia tree once and he said, "Yeah, so?" OK, maybe I do exaggerate. He is 6 foot 6. I'm short, so 6 foot 6 inches seems mythic to me.

The tall one did tell me this story: One day not long ago, Bruce went to Trader Joe's to shop with Ellen, his good friend. (Mine too.) Picture one thin man, nice looking, calmly above it all and the lovely Ellen, happily moving from the frozen food case to the always somewhat chaotic TJ checkout zone.

That's where Bru saw something so rare, for a second he's doubting reality: Someone taller. He said to Ellen, "Is that man taller than me?" She goes, "Not sure. I think so."

So without saying a word, my amigo does walk up to the remarkable tall guy and stands back to back so Ellen can compare. "He is!" she said out loud. And then to the extraordinary tall cat: "How tall are you?"

By now Bruce is facing the man, looking up. "I'm 7 feet," he says, friendly, obviously used to that question.

Bruce never gets the chance to look up at anyone. But this time, for once he got to be small. He does stand next to the wonderful tall dude for as long as he can.

Fortunately the lines at this store move real slow.

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