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November 08, 1998

Getting out to vote: Many eligible Californian voters failed to cast ballots in last week's elections. "The problem is that most Californians are simply uncomfortable with the idea of going into a booth but not coming out with a tan." (Joshua Sostrin)

Pinning their hopes: In a stunning upset, former professional wrestler Jesse "The Body" Ventura won the governor's seat in Minnesota. "Early next year, Ventura will take his oath of office on a very special episode of the 'Jerry Springer Show.' " (Sostrin)

Concession question: The losers in the election congratulated their opponents and wished them well. "Yeah, right! And their campaign ads were also 100% truthful." (Gary Easley)

Back to business: The House Judiciary Committee impeachment hearings will resume soon. "The investigation of presidential personal lives may never end. Ken Starr was last seen at Mt. Rushmore collecting rock samples from Thomas Jefferson." (Hamilton)


The David Letterman Top 10

Top 10 Jesse "The Body" Ventura Campaign Slogans

10. He's Already Used To Deceiving The Public.

9. Let's Get Ready To Legislate!

8. "Building A Steroid-Enhanced Bridge To The 21st Century."

7. A Man In Tights Has Nothing To Hide.

6. C'mon, Don't You Want To See Newt Gingrich In A Choke Hold?

5. I'm The Only Candidate Endorsed By Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

4. Finally, A Governor Whose Shorts Glitter.

3. Combining The Wise Economic Stewardship Of Hulk Hogan And The Progressive Policies Of Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka.

2. Vote For Me Or So Help Me God I'll Pile Drive You.

1. It's The Stupidity, Stupid.

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